Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Alternative to the Bailout
On TV tonight, I heard the president say that the bailout is "the only way" to handle the crisis. Here is an alternative that makes much more sense to me....
The Birk Economic Recovery Plan
Hi Pals,
I'm against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG.
Instead, I'm in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a 'We Deserve It Dividend'.
To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 bon-a-fide U.S. Citizens 18+.
Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up..
So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000.00.
My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a 'We Deserve It Dividend'.
Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So let's assume a tax rate of 30%.
Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam.
But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife has $595,000.00.
What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?
Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.
Repay college loans - what a great boost to new grads
Put away money for college - it'll be there
Save in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs.
Buy a new car - create jobs
Invest in the market - capital drives growth
Pay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improves
Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean - or else
Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.
If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's really do it...instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ( "vote buy" ) economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President.
If we're going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!
As for AIG - liquidate it.
Sell off its parts.
Let American General go back to being American General.
Sell off the real estate.
Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.
Here's my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn't.
Sure it's a crazy idea that can "never work."
But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party!
How do you spell Economic Boom?
I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion 'We Deserve It Dividend' more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC.
And remember, The Birk plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.
Ahhh...I feel so much better getting that off my chest.
Kindest personal regards,
T. J. Birkenmeier, A Creative Guy & Citizen of the Republic
PS: Feel free to pass this along to your pals as it's either good for a laugh or a tear or a very sobering thought on how to best use $85 Billion!!
The Birk Economic Recovery Plan
Hi Pals,
I'm against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG.
Instead, I'm in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a 'We Deserve It Dividend'.
To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 bon-a-fide U.S. Citizens 18+.
Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up..
So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000.00.
My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a 'We Deserve It Dividend'.
Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So let's assume a tax rate of 30%.
Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam.
But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife has $595,000.00.
What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?
Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.
Repay college loans - what a great boost to new grads
Put away money for college - it'll be there
Save in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs.
Buy a new car - create jobs
Invest in the market - capital drives growth
Pay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improves
Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean - or else
Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.
If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's really do it...instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ( "vote buy" ) economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President.
If we're going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!
As for AIG - liquidate it.
Sell off its parts.
Let American General go back to being American General.
Sell off the real estate.
Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.
Here's my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn't.
Sure it's a crazy idea that can "never work."
But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party!
How do you spell Economic Boom?
I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion 'We Deserve It Dividend' more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC.
And remember, The Birk plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.
Ahhh...I feel so much better getting that off my chest.
Kindest personal regards,
T. J. Birkenmeier, A Creative Guy & Citizen of the Republic
PS: Feel free to pass this along to your pals as it's either good for a laugh or a tear or a very sobering thought on how to best use $85 Billion!!
Friday, September 26, 2008
More on Houston after Ike, and Electrical Power
Here are some thoughts on what I've seen here in Houston.
It's very surreal and a little unnerving to see the changes in traffic here. Most of the traffic lights are not working, so you must stop at every light and do the "blinking red light" drill. As an non-resident, it means I have to concentrate very hard when there's not traffic around me, so that I don't run through a light that's not on! Some of the lights are twisted and not facing the wrong direction, so that is also weird.
Even more eerie is the power situation. Huge chunks of the Southwest part of the city are black at night. Driving along the street, everything is normal, and then you reach a stretch where the power is off. The houses are completely dark, and no street lights. It looks abandoned. I wonder: "where are all the people?" There are whole shopping centers with no stores open. Meyerland has a small group of shops with power generators, so the stores are open, including the only restaurant for a few miles. Just across the parking lot, Target is completely dark. Strange, and very unsettling. Life as we know it, and the familiar, is totally different, and out-of-sync. I can't help but think about what it all means when what you take for granted is turned upside-down and sideways.
The question of the day, every day, in Houston is: "Do you have power yet?" As of Tuesday night, there were 580,000 people in metropolitan Houston without electricity! And that's not all, because that is only the people served by the largest power utility company.
It's a cause for great joy when you get the news that your power is back on! Tracie's (my daughter) neighbor called the church Wednesday afternoon and left a message that hers was on. He lives across the street, but he was still without. It was Thursday evening before his power was restored. Tracie and I were very happy to go home and clean up the house that has been vacant for over a week! (Note: She stayed with friends and with Gary Long's family; he's Tracie's boss at Willow Meadows Baptist Church. I stayed at the Longs on Tuesday night.) That meant getting the trash ready for pick-up and cleaning the refrigerator to make ready to re-stock it, cleaning the bath tub, sinks, toilets, ... And, the air conditioning was back on! Yippee!
I'll post some pictures in another blog entry later today. That's another difference in what you see around town.
It's very surreal and a little unnerving to see the changes in traffic here. Most of the traffic lights are not working, so you must stop at every light and do the "blinking red light" drill. As an non-resident, it means I have to concentrate very hard when there's not traffic around me, so that I don't run through a light that's not on! Some of the lights are twisted and not facing the wrong direction, so that is also weird.
Even more eerie is the power situation. Huge chunks of the Southwest part of the city are black at night. Driving along the street, everything is normal, and then you reach a stretch where the power is off. The houses are completely dark, and no street lights. It looks abandoned. I wonder: "where are all the people?" There are whole shopping centers with no stores open. Meyerland has a small group of shops with power generators, so the stores are open, including the only restaurant for a few miles. Just across the parking lot, Target is completely dark. Strange, and very unsettling. Life as we know it, and the familiar, is totally different, and out-of-sync. I can't help but think about what it all means when what you take for granted is turned upside-down and sideways.
The question of the day, every day, in Houston is: "Do you have power yet?" As of Tuesday night, there were 580,000 people in metropolitan Houston without electricity! And that's not all, because that is only the people served by the largest power utility company.
It's a cause for great joy when you get the news that your power is back on! Tracie's (my daughter) neighbor called the church Wednesday afternoon and left a message that hers was on. He lives across the street, but he was still without. It was Thursday evening before his power was restored. Tracie and I were very happy to go home and clean up the house that has been vacant for over a week! (Note: She stayed with friends and with Gary Long's family; he's Tracie's boss at Willow Meadows Baptist Church. I stayed at the Longs on Tuesday night.) That meant getting the trash ready for pick-up and cleaning the refrigerator to make ready to re-stock it, cleaning the bath tub, sinks, toilets, ... And, the air conditioning was back on! Yippee!
I'll post some pictures in another blog entry later today. That's another difference in what you see around town.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Ministering to Others
Seeing the people affected by Hurricane Ike in Houston firsthand has made me think about my/our material possessions and what we can really do to help people in need.
How much "stuff" do we have? Do we try to protect our "stuff" when it might be lost? Most of the poor people in an apartment complex that I visited were very protective of their belongings. What is our pride and vanity for our possessions? Do we have too much, and does it affect our interactions with others? Are they getting in the way of our ministry and witness to others?
What about those who lost possessions in the hurricane: shelter, power, food, belongings, ... How do we help them?
I asked a bunch of people today: "Do you need anything?" Most all of them said, "No." But a few then admitted they needed gasoline for their generator or ice for their food.
Would you be too proud to take help if it was offered? Do we think that we can get by without help from other people? Who would help you if you were a hurricane victim without power? Do you have neighbors or church friends to help? Would you accept help from strangers or some church nearby?
Who would you help if you could?
I met a homeless man yesterday on the north side of Houston. He's lived in his pickup for a year with his 2 dogs after he lost his job. He doesn't have an ice cooler and lives on a - for now - dead-end road in an undeveloped area just off the Hardy Toll road. We talked for a few minutes, and I really didn't know what to say to him. And I didn't know how to help him either, but I gave him some food from my car and offered him a Bible. He said "No, I have one in the truck." I said "God bless you," and drove off, but he haunts me now. What more should I have done? Anything?
How much "stuff" do we have? Do we try to protect our "stuff" when it might be lost? Most of the poor people in an apartment complex that I visited were very protective of their belongings. What is our pride and vanity for our possessions? Do we have too much, and does it affect our interactions with others? Are they getting in the way of our ministry and witness to others?
What about those who lost possessions in the hurricane: shelter, power, food, belongings, ... How do we help them?
I asked a bunch of people today: "Do you need anything?" Most all of them said, "No." But a few then admitted they needed gasoline for their generator or ice for their food.
Would you be too proud to take help if it was offered? Do we think that we can get by without help from other people? Who would help you if you were a hurricane victim without power? Do you have neighbors or church friends to help? Would you accept help from strangers or some church nearby?
Who would you help if you could?
I met a homeless man yesterday on the north side of Houston. He's lived in his pickup for a year with his 2 dogs after he lost his job. He doesn't have an ice cooler and lives on a - for now - dead-end road in an undeveloped area just off the Hardy Toll road. We talked for a few minutes, and I really didn't know what to say to him. And I didn't know how to help him either, but I gave him some food from my car and offered him a Bible. He said "No, I have one in the truck." I said "God bless you," and drove off, but he haunts me now. What more should I have done? Anything?
Loving
"I feel that this New Baptist Covenant assembly is based on … love God and love the person standing in front of you at any time." J E Carter
Luke 4:18-19
"The spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Calvin & Hobbes - Week of Sep 22nd
http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/09/22/
Use 'Next page' from Monday's comic to read the whole week.
Use 'Next page' from Monday's comic to read the whole week.
Great Dog Story
Anyone who has pets will really like this. You'll like it even if you don't and you may even decide you need one!
Mary and her husband Jim had a dog named 'Lucky.' Lucky was a real character.
Whenever Mary and Jim had company come for a weekend visit they would warn their friends to not leave their luggage open because Lucky would help himself to whatever struck his fancy. Inevitably, someone would forget and something would come up missing.
Mary or Jim would go to Lucky's toy box in the basement and there the treasure would be, amid all of Lucky's other favorite toys. Lucky always stashed his finds in his toy box and he was very particular that his toys stay in the box.
It happened that Mary found out she had breast cancer. Something told her she was going to die of this disease... in fact, she was just sure it was fatal.
She scheduled the double mastectomy, fear riding her shoulders.
The night before she was to go to the hospital she cuddled with Lucky. A thought struck her... what would happen to Lucky ? Although the three-year-old dog liked Jim, he was Mary's dog through and through. If I die, Lucky will be abandoned, Mary thought. He won't understand that I didn't want to leave him. The thought made her sadder than thinking of her own death.
The double mastectomy was harder on Mary than her doctors had anticipated and Mary was hospitalized for over two weeks. Jim took Lucky for his evening walk faithfully, but the little dog just drooped, whining and miserable.
Finally the day came for Mary to leave the hospital. When she arrived home, Mary was so exhausted she couldn't even make it up the steps to her bedroom. Jim made his wife comfortable on the couch and left her to nap. Lucky stood watching Mary but he didn't come to her when she called. It made Mary sad but sleep soon overcame her and she dozed.
When Mary woke for a second she couldn't understand what was wrong. She couldn't move her head and her body felt heavy and hot.
But panic soon gave way to laughter when Mary realized the problem.
She was covered, literally blanketed, with every treasure Lucky owned!
While she had slept, the sorrowing dog had made trip after trip to the basement, bringing his beloved mistress all his favorite things in life. He had covered her with his love.
Mary forgot about dying. Instead she and Lucky began living again, walking further and further together every day.
It's been 12 years now and Mary is still cancer-free. Lucky? He still steals treasures and stashes them in his toy box but Mary remains his greatest treasure.
Remember....live every day to the fullest. Each minute is a blessing from God And never forget... the people who make a difference in our lives are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care for us.
If you see someone without a smile today give them one of yours!
Live simply. Love seriously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
Mary and her husband Jim had a dog named 'Lucky.' Lucky was a real character.
Whenever Mary and Jim had company come for a weekend visit they would warn their friends to not leave their luggage open because Lucky would help himself to whatever struck his fancy. Inevitably, someone would forget and something would come up missing.
Mary or Jim would go to Lucky's toy box in the basement and there the treasure would be, amid all of Lucky's other favorite toys. Lucky always stashed his finds in his toy box and he was very particular that his toys stay in the box.
It happened that Mary found out she had breast cancer. Something told her she was going to die of this disease... in fact, she was just sure it was fatal.
She scheduled the double mastectomy, fear riding her shoulders.
The night before she was to go to the hospital she cuddled with Lucky. A thought struck her... what would happen to Lucky ? Although the three-year-old dog liked Jim, he was Mary's dog through and through. If I die, Lucky will be abandoned, Mary thought. He won't understand that I didn't want to leave him. The thought made her sadder than thinking of her own death.
The double mastectomy was harder on Mary than her doctors had anticipated and Mary was hospitalized for over two weeks. Jim took Lucky for his evening walk faithfully, but the little dog just drooped, whining and miserable.
Finally the day came for Mary to leave the hospital. When she arrived home, Mary was so exhausted she couldn't even make it up the steps to her bedroom. Jim made his wife comfortable on the couch and left her to nap. Lucky stood watching Mary but he didn't come to her when she called. It made Mary sad but sleep soon overcame her and she dozed.
When Mary woke for a second she couldn't understand what was wrong. She couldn't move her head and her body felt heavy and hot.
But panic soon gave way to laughter when Mary realized the problem.
She was covered, literally blanketed, with every treasure Lucky owned!
While she had slept, the sorrowing dog had made trip after trip to the basement, bringing his beloved mistress all his favorite things in life. He had covered her with his love.
Mary forgot about dying. Instead she and Lucky began living again, walking further and further together every day.
It's been 12 years now and Mary is still cancer-free. Lucky? He still steals treasures and stashes them in his toy box but Mary remains his greatest treasure.
Remember....live every day to the fullest. Each minute is a blessing from God And never forget... the people who make a difference in our lives are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care for us.
If you see someone without a smile today give them one of yours!
Live simply. Love seriously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
Monday, September 22, 2008
Pulled over
Thanks, Sue.
----------------
Jack took a long look at his speedometer before slowing down: 73 in a 55 zone. Fourth time in as many months. How could a guy get caught so often?
When his car had slowed to 10 miles an hour, Jack pulled over, but only partially. Let the cop worry about the potential traffic hazard. Maybe some other car will tweak his backside with a mirror. The cop was stepping out of his car, the big pad in hand. Bob? Bob from Church? Jack sunk farther into his trench coat. This was worse than the coming ticket. A cop catching a guy from his own church. A guy who happened to be a little eager to get home after a long day at the office. A guy he was about to play golf with tomorrow. Jumping out of the car, he approached a man he saw every Sunday, a man he'd never seen in uniform.
'Hi, Bob. Fancy meeting you like this.'
'Hello, Jack.' No smile. 'Guess you caught me red-handed in a rush to see my wife and kids.' 'Yeah, I guess.' Bob seemed uncertain. Good.
'I've seen some long days at the office lately. I'm afraid I bent the rules a bit - just this once.'
Jack toed at a pebble on the pavement.
'Diane said something about roast beef and potatoes tonight. Know what I mean?' 'I know what you mean. I also know that you have a reputation in our precinct ' Ouch. This was not going in the right direction. Time to change tactics.
'What'd you clock me at?'
Seventy. Would you sit back in your car please?' 'Now wait a minute here, Bob.
'I checked as soon as I saw you. I was barely nudging 65.' The lie seemed to come easier with every ticket.
'Please, Jack, in the car.' Flustered, Jack hunched himself through the still-open door. Slamming it shut, he stared at the dashboard. He was in no rush to open the window.
The minutes ticked by. Bob scribbled away on the pad.
Why hadn't he asked for a driver's license?
Whatever the reason, it would be a month of Sundays before Jack ever sat near this cop again. A tap on the door jerked his head to the left. There was Bob, a folded paper in hand Jack rolled down the window a mere two inches, just enough room for Bob to pass him the slip. 'Thanks.' Jack could not quite keep the sneer out of his voice.
Bob returned to his police car without a word. Jack watched his retreat in the mirror. Jack unfolded the sheet of paper. How much was this one going to cost? Wait a minute. What was this? Some kind of joke? Certainly not a ticket. Jack began to read:
'Dear Jack, Once upon a time I had a daughter. She was six when killed by a car. You guessed it - a speeding driver. A fine and three months in jail, and the man was free. Free to hug his daughters, all three of them. I only had one, and I'm going to have to wait until Heaven before I can ever hug her again. A thousand times I've tried to forgive that man. A thousand times I thought I had. Maybe I did, but I need to do it again. Even now. Pray for me. And be careful, Jack, my son is all I have left.' 'Bob'
Jack turned around in time to see Bob's car pull away and head down the road. Jack watched until it disappeared. A full 15 minutes later, he too, pulled away and drove slowly home, praying for forgiveness and hugging a surprised wife and kids when he arrived. Life is precious. Handle with care. This is an important message; please pass it along to your friends. Drive safely and carefully. Remember, cars are not the only things recalled by their maker. Funny how you can send a thousand jokes through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the sanctity of life, people think twice about sharing.
Funny how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them.
Pass this on, you may save a life. Maybe not, but we'll never know if we don't try.
The life you save may be ... your own child or grandchild.
This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
----------------
Jack took a long look at his speedometer before slowing down: 73 in a 55 zone. Fourth time in as many months. How could a guy get caught so often?
When his car had slowed to 10 miles an hour, Jack pulled over, but only partially. Let the cop worry about the potential traffic hazard. Maybe some other car will tweak his backside with a mirror. The cop was stepping out of his car, the big pad in hand. Bob? Bob from Church? Jack sunk farther into his trench coat. This was worse than the coming ticket. A cop catching a guy from his own church. A guy who happened to be a little eager to get home after a long day at the office. A guy he was about to play golf with tomorrow. Jumping out of the car, he approached a man he saw every Sunday, a man he'd never seen in uniform.
'Hi, Bob. Fancy meeting you like this.'
'Hello, Jack.' No smile. 'Guess you caught me red-handed in a rush to see my wife and kids.' 'Yeah, I guess.' Bob seemed uncertain. Good.
'I've seen some long days at the office lately. I'm afraid I bent the rules a bit - just this once.'
Jack toed at a pebble on the pavement.
'Diane said something about roast beef and potatoes tonight. Know what I mean?' 'I know what you mean. I also know that you have a reputation in our precinct ' Ouch. This was not going in the right direction. Time to change tactics.
'What'd you clock me at?'
Seventy. Would you sit back in your car please?' 'Now wait a minute here, Bob.
'I checked as soon as I saw you. I was barely nudging 65.' The lie seemed to come easier with every ticket.
'Please, Jack, in the car.' Flustered, Jack hunched himself through the still-open door. Slamming it shut, he stared at the dashboard. He was in no rush to open the window.
The minutes ticked by. Bob scribbled away on the pad.
Why hadn't he asked for a driver's license?
Whatever the reason, it would be a month of Sundays before Jack ever sat near this cop again. A tap on the door jerked his head to the left. There was Bob, a folded paper in hand Jack rolled down the window a mere two inches, just enough room for Bob to pass him the slip. 'Thanks.' Jack could not quite keep the sneer out of his voice.
Bob returned to his police car without a word. Jack watched his retreat in the mirror. Jack unfolded the sheet of paper. How much was this one going to cost? Wait a minute. What was this? Some kind of joke? Certainly not a ticket. Jack began to read:
'Dear Jack, Once upon a time I had a daughter. She was six when killed by a car. You guessed it - a speeding driver. A fine and three months in jail, and the man was free. Free to hug his daughters, all three of them. I only had one, and I'm going to have to wait until Heaven before I can ever hug her again. A thousand times I've tried to forgive that man. A thousand times I thought I had. Maybe I did, but I need to do it again. Even now. Pray for me. And be careful, Jack, my son is all I have left.' 'Bob'
Jack turned around in time to see Bob's car pull away and head down the road. Jack watched until it disappeared. A full 15 minutes later, he too, pulled away and drove slowly home, praying for forgiveness and hugging a surprised wife and kids when he arrived. Life is precious. Handle with care. This is an important message; please pass it along to your friends. Drive safely and carefully. Remember, cars are not the only things recalled by their maker. Funny how you can send a thousand jokes through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the sanctity of life, people think twice about sharing.
Funny how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them.
Pass this on, you may save a life. Maybe not, but we'll never know if we don't try.
The life you save may be ... your own child or grandchild.
This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
Sounds about right!
Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow
for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when
woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little
to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting
the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended
up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50
pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of
most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it
works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one
or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it
works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that
practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food
poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's
butt and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the
world to think of crazy things to say.
Thanks, JP.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Did you know?
Facts about the information explosion and education in the US and China. Excellent!
This is a streaming video that doesn't download the whole file.
Enjoy!
This is a streaming video that doesn't download the whole file.
Enjoy!
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Four Boyfriends
Thanks, Larry.
----------------
Once upon a time there was a girl who had four boyfriends.
She loved the fourth boyfriend the most and adorned him with rich robes and treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him nothing but the best.
She also loved the third boyfriend very much and was always showing him off to neighboring kingdoms. However, she feared that one day he would leave her for another.
She also loved her second boyfriend. He was her confidant and was always kind, considerate and patient with her. Whenever this girl faced a problem, she could confide in him, and he would help her get through the difficult times.
The girl's first boyfriend was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining her wealth and kingdom. However, she did not love the first boyfriend Although he loved her deeply, she hardly took notice of him!
One day, the girl fell ill and she knew her time was short. She thought of her luxurious life and wondered, 'I now have four boyfriends with me, but when I die, will I be alone.'
Thus, she asked the fourth boyfriend, 'I loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company? 'No way!', replied the fourth boyfriend, and he walked away without another word.
His answer cut like a sharp knife right into her heart.
The sad girl then asked the third boyfriend, 'I loved you all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?' 'No!', replied the third boyfriend. 'Life is too good! When you die, I'm going to marry someone else!' Her heart sank and turned cold
She then asked the second boyfriend, 'I have always turned to you for help and you've always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?'
'I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!', replied the second boyfriend. 'At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave.' His answer struck her like a bolt of lightning, and the girl was devastated.
Then a voice called out: 'I'll go with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go.' The girl looked up, and there was her first boyfriend. He was very skinny as he suffered from malnutrition and neglect.
Greatly grieved, the girl said, 'I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!'
In truth, you have four boyfriends in your lives:
Your fourth boyfriend is your body. No matter how much time and effort you lavish in making it look good, it will leave you when you die.
Your third boyfriend is your possessions, status and wealth.When you die, it will all go to others.
Your second boyfriend is your family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for you, the furthest they can stay by you is up to the grave.
And your first boyfriend is your spirit. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world.
However, your spirit is the only thing that will follow you where ever you go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of you that will follow you to the throne of God and continue with you throughout Eternity.
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----------------
Once upon a time there was a girl who had four boyfriends.
She loved the fourth boyfriend the most and adorned him with rich robes and treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him nothing but the best.
She also loved the third boyfriend very much and was always showing him off to neighboring kingdoms. However, she feared that one day he would leave her for another.
She also loved her second boyfriend. He was her confidant and was always kind, considerate and patient with her. Whenever this girl faced a problem, she could confide in him, and he would help her get through the difficult times.
The girl's first boyfriend was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining her wealth and kingdom. However, she did not love the first boyfriend Although he loved her deeply, she hardly took notice of him!
One day, the girl fell ill and she knew her time was short. She thought of her luxurious life and wondered, 'I now have four boyfriends with me, but when I die, will I be alone.'
Thus, she asked the fourth boyfriend, 'I loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company? 'No way!', replied the fourth boyfriend, and he walked away without another word.
His answer cut like a sharp knife right into her heart.
The sad girl then asked the third boyfriend, 'I loved you all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?' 'No!', replied the third boyfriend. 'Life is too good! When you die, I'm going to marry someone else!' Her heart sank and turned cold
She then asked the second boyfriend, 'I have always turned to you for help and you've always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?'
'I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!', replied the second boyfriend. 'At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave.' His answer struck her like a bolt of lightning, and the girl was devastated.
Then a voice called out: 'I'll go with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go.' The girl looked up, and there was her first boyfriend. He was very skinny as he suffered from malnutrition and neglect.
Greatly grieved, the girl said, 'I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!'
In truth, you have four boyfriends in your lives:
Your fourth boyfriend is your body. No matter how much time and effort you lavish in making it look good, it will leave you when you die.
Your third boyfriend is your possessions, status and wealth.When you die, it will all go to others.
Your second boyfriend is your family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for you, the furthest they can stay by you is up to the grave.
And your first boyfriend is your spirit. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world.
However, your spirit is the only thing that will follow you where ever you go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of you that will follow you to the throne of God and continue with you throughout Eternity.
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Recommended Reading: Our world
Do you have the gumption to examine your own prejudices?
http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/spt/stories/092008dnspotaylor.185499c.html
http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/spt/stories/092008dnspotaylor.185499c.html
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Whatever Happened to those Old ...?
Westerns
http://objflicks.com/thoseoldwesterns.htm
'45's Rock 'n roll
http://oldfortyfives.com/
Thanks, Roger.
http://objflicks.com/thoseoldwesterns.htm
'45's Rock 'n roll
http://oldfortyfives.com/
Thanks, Roger.
Holy Prostitutes
Thanks, Roger.
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES
He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought....
Soon he sees another sign which reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES
Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
He climbs the ste ps and rings th e bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you my son?'
He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business....'
'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.'
He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door... This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway..'
He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him.
The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:
GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS!
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER
'Holy Prostitutes'
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES
He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought....
Soon he sees another sign which reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES
Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
He climbs the ste ps and rings th e bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you my son?'
He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business....'
'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.'
He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door... This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway..'
He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him.
The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:
GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS!
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER
'Holy Prostitutes'
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Calvin & Hobbes - Week of Sep 15th
http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/09/15/
Use 'Next page' from Monday's comic to read the whole week.
Use 'Next page' from Monday's comic to read the whole week.
I’m on the MOVE to end Alzheimer’s
Please consider a donation of $25. Or more!
Alzheimer's disease is a progressive, fatal disease that has no cure. And today it affects an estimated 5 million Americans.To support those living with the disease – as well as research that may prevent it from affecting future generations – I'm participating in the 2008 Alzheimer's Association Memory Walk®, which raises funds and awareness for Alzheimer's.
I hope to raise at least $500. I'm asking you to donate to help me reach – and even surpass – this goal. The Alzheimer's Association is the leading voluntary health organization in Alzheimer care, support and research, and your donation will go directly toward supporting their efforts.
You can donate by clicking on the link below. Thank you for your support!
Memory Walk is nationally presented by Genworth Financial.
Paul W Gray and Family
Follow This Link to visit my personal web page and help me in my efforts to support Alzheimer's Association Greater Dallas Chapter
******************************************************************************
Some email systems do not support the use of links and therefore this link may not appear to work. If so, copy and paste the following into your browser:
http://GunterMemoryWalk2008.kintera.org/faf/r.asp?t=4&i=274372&u=274372-232753989&e=1899556379
******************************************************************************
Home: 972.423.7949 Cell: 972.841.5755
Check out my blog, Gray Matters: pwgraymatters.blogspot.com
Sunday, September 14, 2008
7 Degrees of Blonde
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?'
The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'
The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!'
So, the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, ... I know 'em all.'
A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'
The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy . it's W.'
FIFTH DEGREE
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: 'Is it mine?'
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware .'
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'
Thanks, Mike.
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?'
The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'
The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!'
So, the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, ... I know 'em all.'
A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'
The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy . it's W.'
FIFTH DEGREE
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: 'Is it mine?'
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware .'
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'
Thanks, Mike.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Brain Quiz.....
- THIS IS ONE (sic) OF THE BEST FIVE RIDDLES I HAVE SEEN...THE ANSWERS ARE AT THE BOTTOM....RIDDLE #5 IS AMAZING....ENJOY...THIS SHARPENS THOSE GENES IN YOUR BRAIN AND STALLS ALZHEIMERS FOR YEARS....
- 1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?
- 2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?
- 3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away ?
- 4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?
- 5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching!
- .
- .
- .
- .
- THE ANSWERS TO ALL FIVE THE RIDDLES ARE BELOW:
- Answers:
- 1. The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in 3 years are dead. That one was easy, right?
- 2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held under water; and hung).
- 3. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecuing.
- 4. Sure you can name three consecutive days, yesterday, today, and tomorrow!
- 5. The letter e, which is the most common letter used in the English language, does not appear even once in the paragraph.
Thanks to Snuffy and Lea.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Calvin & Hobbes - Weeks of Sep 1st, 8th
http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/09/08/
http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/09/01/
Use 'Next page' from Monday's comic to read the whole week.
http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/09/01/
Use 'Next page' from Monday's comic to read the whole week.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Free Personal Finance Tool
Check out this free personal finance site. It can bring in transactions from banks, credit cards, investment companies, and other financial companies.
I'm using it to track expenses and generate Net Worth statements.
http://corporate.yodlee.com/
I'm using it to track expenses and generate Net Worth statements.
http://corporate.yodlee.com/
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Daily Devotional by Max Lucado, Sep 4th
Daily Devotional by Max Lucado
"the One who came still comes and the One who spoke still speaks"
September 4
"Come to Me"
"Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest."
Matthew 11:28 (NCV)
Come to me…. The invitation is to come to him. Why him?
He offers the invitation as a penniless rabbi in an oppressed nation. He has no political office, no connections with authorities in Rome. He hasn't written a best-seller or earned a diploma.
Yet, he dares to look into the leathery faces of farmers and tired faces of housewives and offer rest. He looks into the disillusioned eyes of a preacher or two from Jerusalem. He gazes into the cynical stare of a banker and the hungry eyes of bartender and makes this paradoxical promise: "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls" (Matt. 11:29).
The people came. They came out of the cul-de-sacs and office complexes of their day. They brought him the burdens of their existence, and he gave them not religion, not doctrine, not systems, but rest.
From: Six Hours One Friday
Copyright (W Publishing Group, 2003)
Max Lucado
SUBSCRIBE/CHANGE ADDRESS/UNSUBSCRIBE click on: Website or Devo Administrator STOP/AUTOMATIC RESTART (vacation-business trip, etc.) simply provide dates and submit to: : Devo Administrator The devotional will be stopped and then automatically restarted on the dates you indicate.
Mental Feng Shui
There's some mighty fine advice in these words, even if you're not superstitious. This Lotus Touts has been sent to you for good luck from the Anthony Robbins organization. It has been sent around the world ten times so far.
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.
FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight .
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relat ives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY- ONE. Spend some time alone.
Thanks, Billy.
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ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.
FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight .
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relat ives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY- ONE. Spend some time alone.
Thanks, Billy.
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Monday, September 1, 2008
Daily Devotional by Max Lucado, Sep 1st
Daily Devotional by Max Lucado
�the One who came still comes and the One who spoke still speaks�
September 1
The master will dress himself to serve and tell the servants to sit at the table, and he will serve them.
Luke 12:37 (NCV)
The humble heart honors others.
Again, is Jesus not our example? Content to be known as a carpenter. Happy to be mistaken for the gardener. He served his followers by washing their feet. He serves us by doing the same. Each morning he gifts us with beauty. Each Sunday he calls us to his table. Each moment he dwells in our hearts...
If Jesus is so willing to honor us, can we not do the same for others?
From: Everyday Blessings
Copyright (J. Countryman, 2004)
Max Lucado
SUBSCRIBE/CHANGE ADDRESS/UNSUBSCRIBE click on: Website or Devo Administrator STOP/AUTOMATIC RESTART (vacation-business trip, etc.) simply provide dates and submit to: : Devo Administrator The devotional will be stopped and then automatically restarted on the dates you indicate.
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