The $2 Bill (True Story)

Thanks to Bill for this post.
--------------------------------
THE $2.00 BILL I TRIED TO SPEND:
>
>IF YOU'RE AS OLD AS I AM, THIS IS A RIOT!
>
>Everyone should start carrying $2 bills! I am STILL laughing!! I
>think we need to quit saving our $2 bills and bring them out in
>public. The younger generation doesn't even know they exist.
>
>STORY: On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick
>bite to eat. In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill.
>
>I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not
>have to worry about anyone getting irritated at me for trying to
>break a $50 bill.
>
>Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please, to go."
>Server: "That'll be $1.04. Eat in?" Me: "No, it's to go." At this
>point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it
>kind of funny. Server: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."
>
>He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot. The
>following conversation occurs between the two of them:
>
>Server: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?" Manager: "No. A what?"
>Server: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me." Manager: "Ask
>for something else. There's no such thing as a $2 bill."
>Server: "Yeah, thought so." He comes back to me and says, "We don't
>take these. Do you have anything else?" Me: "Just this fifty. You
>don't take $2 bills? Why?" Server: "I don't know." Me: "See here
>where it says legal tender?" Server: "Yeah." Me: "So, why won't
>you take it?" Server: "Well, hang on a sec."
>
>He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I'm a
>shoplifter, and says to him, "He says I have to take it."
>
>Manager: "Doesn't he have anything else?" Server: "Yeah, a fifty.
>I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change. Manager: "I'm
>not opening the safe with him in here." Server: "What should I do?"
>Manager: "Tell him to come back later when he has real money."
>Server: "I can't tell him that! You tell him." Manager: "Just tell
>him." Server: "No way! This is weird. I'm going in back.
>
>The manager approaches me and says, "I'm sorry, but we don't take
>big bills this time of night."
>
>Me: "It's only seven o'clock! Well then, here's a two dollar bill."
>Manager: "We don't take those, either." Me: "Why not?" Manager: "I
>think you know why." Me: "No really, tell me why."
>Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security." Me: "Excuse
>me?" Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."
>Me: "What on earth for?" Manager: "Please, sir." Me: "Uh, go
>ahead, call them." Manager: "Would you please just leave?"
>Me: "No." Manager: "Fine -- have it your way then." Me: "Hey,
>that's Burger King, isn't it?"
>
>At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on
>the phone around the corner.
>
>I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin
>laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this
>45-year-oldish guy Comes in.
>
>Guard: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?" Manager (whispering): "This guy is
>trying to give me some
>(pause) funny money." Guard: "No kidding! What?" Manager: "Get
>this. A two dollar bill." Guard (incredulous): "Why would a guy fake
>a two dollar bill?" Manager: "I don't know. He's kinda weird. He
>says the only other thing he has is a fifty." Guard: "Oh, so the
>fifty's fake!" Manager: "No, the two dollar bill is." Guard: "Why
>would he fake a two dollar bill?" Manager: "I don't know! Can you
>talk to him, and get him out of here?" Guard: "Yeah."
>
>Security Guard walks over to me and......
>
>Guard: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying
>to use." Me: "Uh, no." Guard: "Lemme see 'em." Me: "Why?"
>Guard: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"
>
>At this point I am ready to say, "Sure, please!" but I want to eat,
>so I say, "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this
>two dollar bill.
>
>I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I 'm taking a
>swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his
>hands, and he says, "Hey, Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"
>
>Manager: "It's fake." Guard: "It doesn't look fake to me."
>Manager: "But it's a two dollar bill." Guard: "Yeah? "
>Manager: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"
>
>The security guard and I both look at him like he's an idiot, and it
>dawns on the guy that he has no clue.
>
>So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small
>drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too. Made me want to get
>a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I
>try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I could
>probably end up in jail. You get free food there, too.
>
>Just think...those two will be voting
>soon............................YIKES!!!
>
>This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from
>http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm

A Historic Leap - TCU Basketball in the 60's

http://www.star-telegram.com/college_sports/story/491670.html

I was there at the TCU-Texas game in Daniel Meyer Coliseum. I was a sophomore at UTA, and our dorm volleyball team was leading the intramural league, but I took a couple of guys to the basketball game and we had to forfeit that night. We still won the championship!

Calvin & Hobbes - Week of Feb 25th

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/02/25/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/02/26/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/02/27/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/02/28/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/02/29/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/03/01/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/03/02/

Neat stuff to know

Thanks to Mike for this post.

DID YOU KNOW?

Peel a banana from the bottom and you won't have to pick the little 'stringy things' off of it. That's how the primates do it.

Take your bananas apart when you get home from the store. If you leave them connected at the stem, they ripen faster.

Store your opened chunks of cheese in aluminum foil. It will stay fresh much longer and not mold!

Peppers with 3 bumps on the bottom are sweeter and better for eating. Peppers with 4 bumps on the bottom are firmer and better for cooking.

Add a teaspoon of water when frying ground beef. It will help pull the grease away from the meat while cooking.

To really make scrambled eggs or omelets rich add a couple of spoonfuls of sour cream, cream cheese, or heavy cream in and then beat them up.

For a cool brownie treat, make brownies as directed. Melt Andes mints in double broiler and pour over warm brownies. Let set for a wonderful minty frosting.

Add garlic immediately to a recipe if you want a light taste of garlic and at the end of the recipe if your want a stronger taste of garlic.

Leftover snickers bars from Halloween make a delicious dessert. Simple chop them up with the food chopper. Peel, core and slice a few apples. Place them in a baking dish and sprinkle the chopped candy bars over the apples. Bake at 350 for 15 minutes!!! Serve alone or with vanilla ice cream.



1. Reheat Pizza
Heat up leftover pizza in a nonstick skillet on top of the stove, set heat to med-low and heat till warm. This keeps the crust crispy. No soggy micro pizza. I saw this on the cooking channel and it really works

2. Easy Deviled Eggs
Put cooked egg yolks in a zip lock bag. Seal, mash till they are all broken up. Add remainder of ingredients, reseal, keep mashing it up mixing thoroughly, cut the tip of the baggy, squeeze mixture into egg.  Just throw bag away when done easy clean up.

3. Expanding Frosting
When you buy a container of cake frosting from the store, whip it with your mixer for a few minutes. You can double it in size. You get to frost more cake/cupcakes with the same amount. You also eat less sugar and calories per serving.

4. Reheating refrigerated bread
To warm biscuits, pancakes, or muffins that were refrigerated, place them in a microwave with a cup of water. The increased moisture will keep the food moist and help it reheat faster.

5. Newspaper weeds away
Start putting in your plants; work the nutrients in your soil.  Wet newspapers put layers around the plants overlapping as you go cover with mulch and forget about weeds. Weeds will get through some gardening plastic they will not get through wet newspapers.

6. Broken Glass
Use a wet cotton ball or Q-tip to pick up the small shards of glass you can't see easily.

7. No More Mosquitoes
Place a dryer sheet in your pocket. It will keep the mosquitoes away.

8. Squirrel Away!
To keep squirrels from eating your plants sprinkle your plants with cayenne pepper. The cayenne pepper doesn't hurt the plant and the squirrels won't come near it.

9. Flexible vacuum
To get something out of a heat register or under the fridge add an empty paper towel roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum. It can be bent or flattened to get in narrow openings.

10. Reducing Static Cling
Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and you will not have a clingy skirt or dress. Same thing works with slacks that cling when wearing panty hose. Place pin in seam of slacks and -- ta da! -- static is gone.

11. Measuring Cups
Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring cup, fill with hot water. Dump out the hot water, but don't dry cup. Next, add your ingredient, such as peanut butter, and watch how easily it comes right out.

12. Foggy Windshield?
Hate foggy windshields? Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box of your car. When the windows fog, rub with the eraser! Works better than a cloth!

13 Reopening envelope
If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot to include something inside, just place your sealed envelope in the freezer for an hour or two. Voila! It unseals easily.

14. Conditioner
Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It's a lot cheaper than shaving cream and leaves your legs really smooth. It's also a great way to use up the conditioner you bought but didn't like when you tried it in your hair...

15. Goodbye Fruit Flies
To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass fill it 1/2' with Apple Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dish washing liquid, mix well. You will find those flies drawn to the cup and gone forever!

16. Get Rid of Ants
Put small piles of cornmeal where you see ants. They eat it, take it 'home,' can't digest it so it kills them. It may take a week or so, especially if it rains, but it works & you don't have the worry about pets or small children being harmed!

17. INFO ABOUT CLOTHES DRYERS
The heating unit went out on my dryer! The gentleman that fixes things around the house for us told us that he wanted to show us something and he went over to the dryer and pulled out the lint filter. It was clean. (I always clean the lint from the filter after every load clothes.) He took the filter over to the sink, ran hot water over it. The lint filter is made of a mesh material - I'm sure you know what your dryer's lint filter looks like.  Well...the hot water just sat on top of the mesh! It didn't go through it at all! He told us that dryer sheets cause a film over that mesh that's what burns out the heating unit. You can't SEE the film, but it's there. It's what is in the dryer sheets to make your clothes soft and static free -- that nice fragrance too, you know how they can feel waxy when you take them out of the box, and well this stuff builds up on your clothes and on your lint screen. This is also what causes dryer units to catch fire & potentially burn your house down with it! He said the best way to keep your dryer working for a very long time (& to keep your electric bill lower) is to take that filter out & wash it with hot soapy water & an old toothbrush (or other brush) at least every six months. He said that makes the life of the dryer at least twice as long!  How about that!?! Learn something new everyday! I certainly didn't know dryer sheets would do that. So, I thought I'd share!
Note: I went to my dryer & tested my screen by running water on it. The
water ran through a little bit but mostly collected all the water in
the mesh screen. I washed it with warm soapy water & a nylon brush & I
had it done in 30 seconds. Then when I rinsed it the water ran right
Thru the screen! There wasn't any puddling at all! That repairman knew
what he was talking about!

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO OTHER PEOPLE IN YOUR ADDRESS BOOK. NOT ONLY COULD IT SAVE SOMEONE'S HOME, BUT IT COULD SAVE SOMEONE'S LIFE.

Texas Chicken Fried Steak

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/fea/taste/stories/DN-nf_cfs_0220liv.ART.State.Edition1.1de1a6e.html

How to make authentic Texas chicken-fried steak
Celebrating honest-to-goodness, mouth-watering chicken-fried steak like Gennie used to make

I didn't know that

Eliminate ear mites. All it takes is a few drops of Wesson Corn Oil in your cat's ear... massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat daily for 3 days. The oil soothes the cat's skin, smothers the mites, and accelerates healing.

  Kills fleas instantly... Dawn Dishwashing Liquid does the trick. Add a few drops to your dog's bath and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations. Good-bye fleas.

  Rainy day cure for dog odor: Next time your dog comes in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal with Bounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh.

Did you know that drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately-without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional pain relievers?

Did you know that Colgate Toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns?

  Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose.

  Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 tablespoon horseradish in 1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil for instant relief for aching muscles.

  Sore throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.

  Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer. Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly-even though the product was never been advertised for this use.

  Honey remedy for skin blemishes... cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.

  Listerine therapy for toenail fungus: Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine M outhwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.

Easy eyeglass protection... to prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear Nail Polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.

  Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer... if menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground instantly.

  Smart splinter remover: Just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue-All over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.

  Hunt's Tomato Paste boil cure... cover the boil with Hunt's Tomato Paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head.

  Balm for broken blisters... to disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine , a powerful antiseptic.

  Vinegar to heal bruises... soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process.

  Quaker Oats for fast pain relief... it's not for breakfast any more! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.

If you send this to 10 people and only one of them doesn't know about this, then it was worth it.

Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2008

>Number 10 - Life is sexually transmitted.
>
>Number 9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at
> which one can die.
>
>Number 8 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see
> him without an erection, make him a sandwich .
>
>Number 7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day,
> teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
>
>Number 6 - Some people are like a Slinky. Not really good for
> anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down
> the stairs.
>
>Number 5 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying
> in hospitals dying of nothing.
>
>Number 4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It
> pays no attention to Criticism.
>
>Number 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a
> substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?
>
>Number 2 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world
> weird. Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
>
>And The Number 1 - Thought For 2008: We know exactly where one
> cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among millions and millions of cows
> in America but we haven't got a clue as to where millions of illegal
> immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the
> Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration.

Must Read!

This is the best description I have read of the relationship between
religion and politics and where it's headed.

http://www.commonwealmagazine.org/article.php3?id_article=2134

Jesus Was an Alien, Speaker Says

http://www.ethicsdaily.com/article_detail.cfm?AID=10102

Calvin & Hobbes - Week of Feb 18th

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/02/18/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/02/19/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/02/20/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/02/21/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/02/22/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/02/23/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/02/24/

Fwd: An Old Farmer's Advice

 Subject:    An Old Farmer's Advice



*Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

         

* Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance

* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge

* You cannot unsay a cruel word.

* Every path has a few puddles.

* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

         

* The best sermons are lived, not preached.

* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.

* Don't judge folks by their relatives.

* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.

* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.



* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

* Always drink upstream from the herd.

* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

       

* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.

Leave the rest to God.

Calvin & Hobbes - Week of Feb 11th

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/02/11/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/02/12/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/02/13/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/02/14/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/02/15/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/02/16/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/02/17/

Just say thanks - I just did

Thanks to Kathy for this post.
--------------------------------------
Something cool that Xerox is doing.
If you go to this web site:

http://www.letssaythanks.com/Home1280.html

you can pick out a thank you card and Xerox will print it and it will be sent to a soldier that is currently serving in Iraq. You can't pick out who gets it, but it will go to some member of the armed services.

How AMAZING it would be if we could get everyone we know to send one!!!

This is a great site. Please send a card.

It is FREE and it only takes a second.

Calvin & Hobbes - Week of Feb 4th

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/02/04/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/02/05/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/02/06/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/02/07/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/02/08/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/02/09/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/02/10/

30 Baptist Groups Build a Bridge Toward Unity - New York Times

30 Baptist Groups Build a Bridge Toward Unity - New York Times