Fox News has announced plans to change their name to one more suitable to their real mission.
The candidates are:
1. Pravda
2. Izvestia
3. Bush Tales
4. Goose Step News
5. Fascist Road
6. Biased and Don't Care
7. Lie Brary of Knowledge (from CT)
8. All Anti-Hillary, All the Time
9. Fixed News
10.Dumb, So You Don't Have to Be
11.All the Points of View You Agree with Anyway
:>)
Monday, December 31, 2007
Looking at America
Editorial
The New York Times
Published: December 31, 2007
There are too many moments these days when we cannot recognize our country. Sunday was one of them, as we read the account in The Times of how men in some of the most trusted posts in the nation plotted to cover up the torture of prisoners by Central Intelligence Agency interrogators by destroying videotapes of their sickening behavior. It was impossible to see the founding principles of the greatest democracy in the contempt these men and their bosses showed for the Constitution, the rule of law and human decency.
It was not the first time in recent years we’ve felt this horror, this sorrowful sense of estrangement, not nearly. This sort of lawless behavior has become standard practice since Sept. 11, 2001.
The country and much of the world was rightly and profoundly frightened by the single-minded hatred and ingenuity displayed by this new enemy. But there is no excuse for how President Bush and his advisers panicked — how they forgot that it is their responsibility to protect American lives and American ideals, that there really is no safety for Americans or their country when those ideals are sacrificed.
Out of panic and ideology, President Bush squandered America’s position of moral and political leadership, swept aside international institutions and treaties, sullied America’s global image, and trampled on the constitutional pillars that have supported our democracy through the most terrifying and challenging times. These policies have fed the world’s anger and alienation and have not made any of us safer.
In the years since 9/11, we have seen American soldiers abuse, sexually humiliate, torment and murder prisoners in Afghanistan and Iraq. A few have been punished, but their leaders have never been called to account. We have seen mercenaries gun down Iraqi civilians with no fear of prosecution. We have seen the president, sworn to defend the Constitution, turn his powers on his own citizens, authorizing the intelligence agencies to spy on Americans, wiretapping phones and intercepting international e-mail messages without a warrant.
We have read accounts of how the government’s top lawyers huddled in secret after the attacks in New York and Washington and plotted ways to circumvent the Geneva Conventions — and both American and international law — to hold anyone the president chose indefinitely without charges or judicial review.
Those same lawyers then twisted other laws beyond recognition to allow Mr. Bush to turn intelligence agents into torturers, to force doctors to abdicate their professional oaths and responsibilities to prepare prisoners for abuse, and then to monitor the torment to make sure it didn’t go just a bit too far and actually kill them.
The White House used the fear of terrorism and the sense of national unity to ram laws through Congress that gave law-enforcement agencies far more power than they truly needed to respond to the threat — and at the same time fulfilled the imperial fantasies of Vice President Dick Cheney and others determined to use the tragedy of 9/11 to arrogate as much power as they could.
Hundreds of men, swept up on the battlefields of Afghanistan and Iraq, were thrown into a prison in Guantánamo Bay, Cuba, so that the White House could claim they were beyond the reach of American laws. Prisoners are held there with no hope of real justice, only the chance to face a kangaroo court where evidence and the names of their accusers are kept secret, and where they are not permitted to talk about the abuse they have suffered at the hands of American jailers.
In other foreign lands, the C.I.A. set up secret jails where “high-value detainees” were subjected to ever more barbaric acts, including simulated drowning. These crimes were videotaped, so that “experts” could watch them, and then the videotapes were destroyed, after consultation with the White House, in the hope that Americans would never know.
The C.I.A. contracted out its inhumanity to nations with no respect for life or law, sending prisoners — some of them innocents kidnapped on street corners and in airports — to be tortured into making false confessions, or until it was clear they had nothing to say and so were let go without any apology or hope of redress.
These are not the only shocking abuses of President Bush’s two terms in office, made in the name of fighting terrorism. There is much more — so much that the next president will have a full agenda simply discovering all the wrongs that have been done and then righting them.
We can only hope that this time, unlike 2004, American voters will have the wisdom to grant the awesome powers of the presidency to someone who has the integrity, principle and decency to use them honorably. Then when we look in the mirror as a nation, we will see, once again, the reflection of the United States of America.
The New York Times
Published: December 31, 2007
There are too many moments these days when we cannot recognize our country. Sunday was one of them, as we read the account in The Times of how men in some of the most trusted posts in the nation plotted to cover up the torture of prisoners by Central Intelligence Agency interrogators by destroying videotapes of their sickening behavior. It was impossible to see the founding principles of the greatest democracy in the contempt these men and their bosses showed for the Constitution, the rule of law and human decency.
It was not the first time in recent years we’ve felt this horror, this sorrowful sense of estrangement, not nearly. This sort of lawless behavior has become standard practice since Sept. 11, 2001.
The country and much of the world was rightly and profoundly frightened by the single-minded hatred and ingenuity displayed by this new enemy. But there is no excuse for how President Bush and his advisers panicked — how they forgot that it is their responsibility to protect American lives and American ideals, that there really is no safety for Americans or their country when those ideals are sacrificed.
Out of panic and ideology, President Bush squandered America’s position of moral and political leadership, swept aside international institutions and treaties, sullied America’s global image, and trampled on the constitutional pillars that have supported our democracy through the most terrifying and challenging times. These policies have fed the world’s anger and alienation and have not made any of us safer.
In the years since 9/11, we have seen American soldiers abuse, sexually humiliate, torment and murder prisoners in Afghanistan and Iraq. A few have been punished, but their leaders have never been called to account. We have seen mercenaries gun down Iraqi civilians with no fear of prosecution. We have seen the president, sworn to defend the Constitution, turn his powers on his own citizens, authorizing the intelligence agencies to spy on Americans, wiretapping phones and intercepting international e-mail messages without a warrant.
We have read accounts of how the government’s top lawyers huddled in secret after the attacks in New York and Washington and plotted ways to circumvent the Geneva Conventions — and both American and international law — to hold anyone the president chose indefinitely without charges or judicial review.
Those same lawyers then twisted other laws beyond recognition to allow Mr. Bush to turn intelligence agents into torturers, to force doctors to abdicate their professional oaths and responsibilities to prepare prisoners for abuse, and then to monitor the torment to make sure it didn’t go just a bit too far and actually kill them.
The White House used the fear of terrorism and the sense of national unity to ram laws through Congress that gave law-enforcement agencies far more power than they truly needed to respond to the threat — and at the same time fulfilled the imperial fantasies of Vice President Dick Cheney and others determined to use the tragedy of 9/11 to arrogate as much power as they could.
Hundreds of men, swept up on the battlefields of Afghanistan and Iraq, were thrown into a prison in Guantánamo Bay, Cuba, so that the White House could claim they were beyond the reach of American laws. Prisoners are held there with no hope of real justice, only the chance to face a kangaroo court where evidence and the names of their accusers are kept secret, and where they are not permitted to talk about the abuse they have suffered at the hands of American jailers.
In other foreign lands, the C.I.A. set up secret jails where “high-value detainees” were subjected to ever more barbaric acts, including simulated drowning. These crimes were videotaped, so that “experts” could watch them, and then the videotapes were destroyed, after consultation with the White House, in the hope that Americans would never know.
The C.I.A. contracted out its inhumanity to nations with no respect for life or law, sending prisoners — some of them innocents kidnapped on street corners and in airports — to be tortured into making false confessions, or until it was clear they had nothing to say and so were let go without any apology or hope of redress.
These are not the only shocking abuses of President Bush’s two terms in office, made in the name of fighting terrorism. There is much more — so much that the next president will have a full agenda simply discovering all the wrongs that have been done and then righting them.
We can only hope that this time, unlike 2004, American voters will have the wisdom to grant the awesome powers of the presidency to someone who has the integrity, principle and decency to use them honorably. Then when we look in the mirror as a nation, we will see, once again, the reflection of the United States of America.
The Great Divide
December 31, 2007
Op-Ed Columnist
The Great Divide
By PAUL KRUGMAN
<http://topics.nytimes.com/top/opinion/editorialsandoped/oped/columnists/pau
lkrugman/index.html?inline=nyt-per>
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/31/opinion/31krugman.html?th=&emc=th&pagewant
ed=print
Op-Ed Columnist
The Great Divide
By PAUL KRUGMAN
<http://topics.nytimes.com/top/opinion/editorialsandoped/oped/columnists/pau
lkrugman/index.html?inline=nyt-per>
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/31/opinion/31krugman.html?th=&emc=th&pagewant
ed=print
Yesterday The Times published a highly informative chart laying out the
positions of the presidential candidates on major issues. It was, I'd argue,
a useful reality check for those who believe that the next president can
somehow usher in a new era of bipartisan cooperation.
For what the chart made clear was the extent to which Democrats and
Republicans live in separate moral and intellectual universes.
On one side, the Democrats are all promising to get out of Iraq and offering
strongly progressive policies on taxes, health care and the environment.
That's understandable: the public hates the war, and public opinion seems to
be running in a progressive direction.
What seems harder to understand is what's happening on the other side - the
degree to which almost all the Republicans have chosen to align themselves
closely with the unpopular policies of an unpopular president. And I'm not
just talking about their continuing enthusiasm for the Iraq war. The G.O.P.
candidates are equally supportive of Bush economic policies.
Why would politicians support Bushonomics? After all, the public is very
unhappy with the state of the economy, for good reason. The "Bush boom,"
such as it was, bypassed most Americans - median family income, adjusted for
inflation, has stagnated in the Bush years, and so have the real earnings of
the typical worker. Meanwhile, insecurity has increased, with a declining
fraction of Americans receiving health insurance from their employers.
And things seem likely to get worse as the election approaches. For a few
years, the economy was at least creating jobs at a respectable pace - but as
the housing slump and the associated credit crunch accelerate and spill over
to the rest of the economy, most analysts expect employment to weaken, too.
All in all, it's an economic and political environment in which you'd expect
Republican politicians, as a sheer matter of calculation, to look for ways
to distance themselves from the current administration's economic policies
and record - say, by expressing some concern about rising income gaps and
the fraying social safety net.
In fact, however, except for Mike Huckabee - a peculiar case who'll deserve
more discussion if he stays in contention - the leading Republican
contenders have gone out of their way to assure voters that they will not
deviate an inch from the Bush path. Why? Because the G.O.P. is still
controlled by a conservative movement that does not tolerate deviations from
tax-cutting, free-market, greed-is-good orthodoxy.
To see the extent to which Republican politicians still cower before the
power of movement conservatism, consider the sad case of John McCain.
Mr. McCain's lingering reputation as a maverick straight talker comes
largely from his opposition to the Bush tax cuts of 2001 and 2003, which he
said at the time were too big and too skewed to the rich. Those objections
would seem to have even more force now, with America facing the costs of an
expensive war - which Mr. McCain fervently supports - and with income
inequality reaching new heights.
But Mr. McCain now says that he supports making the Bush tax cuts permanent.
Not only that: he's become a convert to crude supply-side economics,
claiming that cutting taxes actually increases revenues. That's an assertion
even Bush administration officials concede is false.
Oh, and what about his earlier opposition to tax cuts? Mr. McCain now says
he opposed the Bush tax cuts only because they weren't offset by spending
cuts.
Aside from the logical problem here - if tax cuts increase revenue, why do
they need to be offset? - even a cursory look at what Mr. McCain said at the
time shows that he's trying to rewrite history: he actually attacked the
Bush tax cuts from the left, not the right. But he has clearly decided that
it's better to fib about his record than admit that he wasn't always a
rock-solid economic conservative.
So what does the conversion of Mr. McCain into an avowed believer in voodoo
economics - and the comparable conversions of Mitt Romney and Rudy Giuliani
- tell us? That bitter partisanship and political polarization aren't going
away anytime soon.
There's a fantasy, widely held inside the Beltway, that men and women of
good will from both parties can be brought together to hammer out bipartisan
solutions to the nation's problems.
If such a thing were possible, Mr. McCain, Mr. Romney and Mr. Giuliani - a
self-proclaimed maverick, the former governor of a liberal state and the
former mayor of an equally liberal city - would seem like the kind of men
Democrats could deal with. (O.K., maybe not Mr. Giuliani.) In fact, however,
it's not possible, not given the nature of today's Republican Party, which
has turned men like Mr. McCain and Mr. Romney into hard-line ideologues. On
economics, and on much else, there is no common ground between the parties.
Military Pictures Slideshows
Here are a couple of great slide shows of military pictures. Thanks to Lenny and Bruce for these posts.
Both use PowerPoint Viewer software.
http://paulw.gray.googlepages.com/100greatestmilitaryphotographs.pps
http://paulw.gray.googlepages.com/awesomeslideshow.pps
Both use PowerPoint Viewer software.
http://paulw.gray.googlepages.com/100greatestmilitaryphotographs.pps
http://paulw.gray.googlepages.com/awesomeslideshow.pps
Friday, December 28, 2007
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Calvin & Hobbes - Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday
http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2007/12/24/
http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2007/12/25/
http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2007/12/26/
http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2007/12/27/
http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2007/12/28/
http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2007/12/29/
http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2007/12/30/
http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2007/12/25/
http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2007/12/26/
http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2007/12/27/
http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2007/12/28/
http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2007/12/29/
http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2007/12/30/
Monday, December 24, 2007
God's Cowboy
A phone call from a 12-yr old boy to Houston radio station KSBJ FM 89.3.
So profound, the station has it posted on their website.
Click below to listen.
It's short.
http://www.youtube.com/greeting_view?s=WPJ7ajNqJm0&p=A4F1B7EF7822CC2F
So profound, the station has it posted on their website.
Click below to listen.
It's short.
http://www.youtube.com/greeting_view?s=WPJ7ajNqJm0&p=A4F1B7EF7822CC2F
Sunday, December 23, 2007
The Harley
A bit crude, but I still laughed out loud. Thanks, Snuffy!
----------------------------------------------------------
This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer.
After he picks out the perfect bike, the dealer tells him about an old biker trick that will keep the chrome on his new bike free from rust.
The dealer tells him that all he has to do is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and put it on the chrome before it rains, and everything will be fine.
A few months later, the young man meets a woman and falls in love. She asks him to come home and meet her parents over dinner. He readily accepts and the date is set.
At the appointed time, he picks her up on his Harley and they ride to her parent's house.
Before they go in, she tells him that they have a family tradition that whoever speaks first after dinner does the dishes.
After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break the silence and get stuck doing the dishes. After a long fifteen minutes, the young man decides to speed things up, so he reaches over and kisses his woman in front of her family.
No one says a word.
Emboldened, he slips his hand under her blouse and fondles her breasts. Still no one says a word. Finally, he throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of everyone.
No one says a word.
Now he is getting desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws HER on the table.
They have even wilder sex.
Still no one speaks.
By now he is thinking what to do next when he hears thunder in the distance.
His first thought is to protect the chrome on his Harley, so he gets his jacket, reaches in his pocket and pulls out his jar of Vaseline.
The father says, "Okay dammit, I'll do the dishes!
This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
----------------------------------------------------------
This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer.
After he picks out the perfect bike, the dealer tells him about an old biker trick that will keep the chrome on his new bike free from rust.
The dealer tells him that all he has to do is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and put it on the chrome before it rains, and everything will be fine.
A few months later, the young man meets a woman and falls in love. She asks him to come home and meet her parents over dinner. He readily accepts and the date is set.
At the appointed time, he picks her up on his Harley and they ride to her parent's house.
Before they go in, she tells him that they have a family tradition that whoever speaks first after dinner does the dishes.
After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break the silence and get stuck doing the dishes. After a long fifteen minutes, the young man decides to speed things up, so he reaches over and kisses his woman in front of her family.
No one says a word.
Emboldened, he slips his hand under her blouse and fondles her breasts. Still no one says a word. Finally, he throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of everyone.
No one says a word.
Now he is getting desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws HER on the table.
They have even wilder sex.
Still no one speaks.
By now he is thinking what to do next when he hears thunder in the distance.
His first thought is to protect the chrome on his Harley, so he gets his jacket, reaches in his pocket and pulls out his jar of Vaseline.
The father says, "Okay dammit, I'll do the dishes!
This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
Stroke
Mostly true. See http://www.snopes.com/medical/disease/stroke.asp.
My nurse friend sent this and encouraged me to post it and spread the word. I agree.
If everyone can remember something this simple, we could save some folks. Seriously..
Please read:
STROKE IDENTIFICATION:
During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) .....she said she had just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes.
They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food. While she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening.
Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00 pm Ingrid passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some don't die.... they end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.
It only takes a minute to read this...
A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke... totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.
RECOGNIZING A STROKE
Thank God for the sense to remember the '3' steps, STR . Read and Learn!
Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke .
Now doctors say a by stander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:
S * Ask the individual to SMILE.
T * Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently)
(i.e. It is sunny out today)
R * Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.
If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call 999/911 immediately and describe t he symptoms to the dispatcher.
New Sign of a Stroke -------- Stick out Your Tongue
NOTE: Ask the person to 'stick' out his tongue.. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one sid e or the other , that is also an indication of a stroke.
A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this e-mail sends it to 10 people; you can bet that at least one life will be saved.
Remember The 1st Three Letters.... S.T.R.
More Christmas Music
Here's a link to several Christmas songs performed by the First Baptist Plano choir and orchestra. I sing bass in the choir. Enjoy!
Farmer Gray, "Sleigh Ride" is for you! :)
http://paulw.gray.googlepages.com/christmasmusic
All music plays with Windows Media.
Farmer Gray, "Sleigh Ride" is for you! :)
http://paulw.gray.googlepages.com/christmasmusic
All music plays with Windows Media.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Lake Lewisville Views at Sunset
Pictures from Little Elm Park on the northeast corner of Lake Lewisville, about 3 miles from our new home.
http://picasaweb.google.com/paulw.gray/LakeLewisvilleViews
http://picasaweb.google.com/paulw.gray/LakeLewisvilleViews
Cuttin' and Burnin'
These are pictures from the lake lot on Friday. A whole lotta cuttin' goin' on!
http://picasaweb.google.com/paulw.gray/PaulTheLumberjack
http://picasaweb.google.com/paulw.gray/PaulTheLumberjack
Friday, December 21, 2007
Merry Christmas Music and Pictures
Here's a song to bring you some Christmas cheer! It's from a 2004 recording of The Living Christmas Tree performance by my First Baptist, Plano choir. I'm singing! Enjoy!
http://paulw.gray.googlepages.com/05NutcrackerJingles.wma
It plays with Windows Media.
And here's some family Christmas pictures from the square in McKinney.
http://picasaweb.google.com/paulw.gray/McKinneyChristmasPictures
Have a Merry, Merry Christmas!!!!!
http://paulw.gray.googlepages.com/05NutcrackerJingles.wma
It plays with Windows Media.
And here's some family Christmas pictures from the square in McKinney.
http://picasaweb.google.com/paulw.gray/McKinneyChristmasPictures
Have a Merry, Merry Christmas!!!!!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Voted the best joke in Australia
Charlie walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says,
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His girlfriend replies, "I think you'll find that's a sheep...you
idiot!"
Charlie replies, "I think you'll find that I wasn't talking to you."
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His girlfriend replies, "I think you'll find that's a sheep...you
idiot!"
Charlie replies, "I think you'll find that I wasn't talking to you."
These are Our Credentials
Thanks to Snuffy for this post.
------------------------------
This is a tribute to the US fighting men.
Opens with Powerpoint Viewer or Powerpoint.
http://paulw.gray.googlepages.com/Credentials.pps
------------------------------
This is a tribute to the US fighting men.
Opens with Powerpoint Viewer or Powerpoint.
http://paulw.gray.googlepages.com/Credentials.pps
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Sugar Plums for Special Interests
Taxpayers for Common Sense
http://www.taxpayer.net/
Dear Friend,
Last night, taxpayers received a lump of coal from Congress. With images of earmarks and campaign cash dancing in their heads, the House of Representatives passed a 3,500 page, $516 billion spending bill.
This legislative giant - a combination of eleven must-pass annual appropriations bills and $31 billion in emergency spending - was made available at 12:20 a.m. Monday morning, and received a vote a mere 22 hours later. That's barely enough time for an accomplished speed reader to read it, much less a busy member of Congress.
Please donate today and help us shed light on Congress' spending priorities.
When I wrote to you last week, I shared with you how my team was working overtime preparing for this bill. We spent all day yesterday combing through the bill to get a tally of earmarks and other egregious provisions in the legislation (we even pushed back the TCS holiday party several hours to finish). So far, our preliminary count found 8,983 earmarks worth $7.4 billion. But our work has just begun.
Please make a donation in support of this work today.
Our experience has taught us that bringing the full light of day to the legislative process is the only way taxpayers can ensure their elected representatives are held responsible for their spending decisions. With your help, we can continue to sift through this bill to find every earmark and make public a complete database of these earmarks as quickly after the New Year as possible.
Thank you for your support,
Ryan Alexander
President
P.S. Every new or increased donation amount will be matched by one of our foundation funders. Please double your gift's impact today.
Make a Donation Today: DONATE
http://www.taxpayer.net/
Dear Friend,
Last night, taxpayers received a lump of coal from Congress. With images of earmarks and campaign cash dancing in their heads, the House of Representatives passed a 3,500 page, $516 billion spending bill.
This legislative giant - a combination of eleven must-pass annual appropriations bills and $31 billion in emergency spending - was made available at 12:20 a.m. Monday morning, and received a vote a mere 22 hours later. That's barely enough time for an accomplished speed reader to read it, much less a busy member of Congress.
Please donate today and help us shed light on Congress' spending priorities.
When I wrote to you last week, I shared with you how my team was working overtime preparing for this bill. We spent all day yesterday combing through the bill to get a tally of earmarks and other egregious provisions in the legislation (we even pushed back the TCS holiday party several hours to finish). So far, our preliminary count found 8,983 earmarks worth $7.4 billion. But our work has just begun.
Please make a donation in support of this work today.
Our experience has taught us that bringing the full light of day to the legislative process is the only way taxpayers can ensure their elected representatives are held responsible for their spending decisions. With your help, we can continue to sift through this bill to find every earmark and make public a complete database of these earmarks as quickly after the New Year as possible.
Thank you for your support,
Ryan Alexander
President
P.S. Every new or increased donation amount will be matched by one of our foundation funders. Please double your gift's impact today.
Make a Donation Today: DONATE
Christmas With Louise
Thanks to Ron for this post; it's a good 'un!
---------------------------------------------
This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinners. This won first prize.
Christmas With Louise
As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowing, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.
If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do? You're kidding me! Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section.
I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.
Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love Dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for Lovable Louise. She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination.
On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life.
My sister-in -law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.
The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.
We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.
My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked.
My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll." "Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped .
I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut.
"Where are her clothes?" Granny continued.
"Boy, that turkey sure smells nice Gran" Jay said, to steer her into the dining room.
But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?"
Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny, hang on!"
My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?"
I told him she was Jay's friend.
A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa.
The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.
Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
Later, in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.
This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
---------------------------------------------
This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinners. This won first prize.
Christmas With Louise
As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowing, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.
If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do? You're kidding me! Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section.
I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.
Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love Dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for Lovable Louise. She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination.
On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life.
My sister-in -law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.
The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.
We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.
My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked.
My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll." "Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped .
I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut.
"Where are her clothes?" Granny continued.
"Boy, that turkey sure smells nice Gran" Jay said, to steer her into the dining room.
But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?"
Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny, hang on!"
My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?"
I told him she was Jay's friend.
A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa.
The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.
Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
Later, in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.
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Tuesday, December 18, 2007
All Things Texan
Here's a site which has all kinds of Texas info, but I've posted the link to the Texas High School football section. Enjoy!
http://www.texasbob.com/fb_hs.html
http://www.texasbob.com/fb_hs.html
A Prayer for Today
A nice prayer from the blog of Tracie's pastor, Gary Long.
http://tothelees.blogspot.com/2007/11/prayer-for-today.html
http://tothelees.blogspot.com/2007/11/prayer-for-today.html
Friday, December 14, 2007
Religious Nuts - from Comedy Central
There were four country churches in a small Texas town: The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church and the Catholic Church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels.
One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
In the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.
The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.
But -- The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
In the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.
The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.
But -- The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Paul Newman
Thanks to Worth for this one:
----------------------------
Only women of a certain era will fully appreciate this true story.
(if you don't understand this, tell your mother, she'll get it)
A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing in a small new England town where Paul Newman and his family often visited.
One Sunday morning, the woman got up early to take a long walk. After a brisk five-mile hike, she decided to treat herself to a double-dip chocolate ice cream cone.
She hopped in the car, drove to the center of the village and went straight to the combination bakery/ice cream parlor.
There was only one other patron in the store. Paul Newman, sitting at the counter having a doughnut and coffee.
The woman's heart skipped a beat as her eyes made contact with those famous baby-blue eyes.
The actor nodded graciously and the star struck woman smiled demurely.
Pull yourself together! She chides herself. You're a happily married woman with three children, you're forty-five years old, not a teenager!
The clerk filled her order and she took the double-dip chocolate ice cream cone in one hand and her change in the other. Then she went out the door, avoiding even a glance in Paul Newman's direction.
When she reached her car, she realized that she had a handful of change but her other hand was empty. Where's my ice cream cone? Did I leave it in the store? Back into the shop she went, expecting to see the cone still in the clerk's hand or in a holder on the counter or something. No ice cream cone was in sight.
With that, she happened to look over at Paul Newman.
His face broke into his familiar warm friendly grin and he said to the woman,
'You put it in your purse.'
----------------------------
Only women of a certain era will fully appreciate this true story.
(if you don't understand this, tell your mother, she'll get it)
A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing in a small new England town where Paul Newman and his family often visited.
One Sunday morning, the woman got up early to take a long walk. After a brisk five-mile hike, she decided to treat herself to a double-dip chocolate ice cream cone.
She hopped in the car, drove to the center of the village and went straight to the combination bakery/ice cream parlor.
There was only one other patron in the store. Paul Newman, sitting at the counter having a doughnut and coffee.
The woman's heart skipped a beat as her eyes made contact with those famous baby-blue eyes.
The actor nodded graciously and the star struck woman smiled demurely.
Pull yourself together! She chides herself. You're a happily married woman with three children, you're forty-five years old, not a teenager!
The clerk filled her order and she took the double-dip chocolate ice cream cone in one hand and her change in the other. Then she went out the door, avoiding even a glance in Paul Newman's direction.
When she reached her car, she realized that she had a handful of change but her other hand was empty. Where's my ice cream cone? Did I leave it in the store? Back into the shop she went, expecting to see the cone still in the clerk's hand or in a holder on the counter or something. No ice cream cone was in sight.
With that, she happened to look over at Paul Newman.
His face broke into his familiar warm friendly grin and he said to the woman,
'You put it in your purse.'
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Ole and Lena are here again
Good humor! Thanks, Snuffy.
---------------------------
Ole and Lena were out walking and Lena clutched her heart and fell to the sidewalk. Ole got out his cell phone and called 9-1-1. The Operator said "Where are you?" Ole answered, "We were walking and Lena is on the sidewalk on Eucalyptus Street " The operator asked, "How do you spell that?" The phone seemed to go dead. The operator kept shouting for Ole. She could hear him panting. He finally came back on line and said, "I dragged her over to Oak Street , that's O-A-K."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Norwegian hunters from Minnesota got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. The two lads objected strongly, "Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board a nd he had the same plane as yours." Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down a few moments after takeoff Climbing out of the wreck one Norski asked the other, "Any idea where we are?" "Yaaah, I tink we's pretty close to where we crashed last year."
----------------------------------------------------------------
Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo ?" "Yust a minute," said the busy clerk. "Vell," said Lena , "if it has to go dat fast, I tink I'll yust take da bus."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena , who had charged nonsupport. He said to Ole, "I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for support." "Vell, dat's fine, Judge," smi led Ole. "And vunce in a while I'll try to chip in a few bucks, myself."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lars, the bartender, asked Ole, "Do ya know da difference between a Norwegian and a canoe?" "No, I don't," answered Ole. "A canoe will sometimes tip," explained Lars.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole is so cheap that after his airplane landed safely he grumbled, "Vell, Deere gose five dollars down da drain for dat flight insurance!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lars: "Ole, stant in front of my car and tell me if da turn signals are working." Ole: "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No.."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena 's knee. Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go a little farth er now if ya vant to." So Ole drove to Duluth
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole died So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole. Lena replied, "You yust put 'Ole died.'" The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, asked, "That's it? Just 'Ole died.'? Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about Ole. If it's money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more." So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, " OK. You put, Ole died. Boat for sale"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride. They had brought along bananas for lunch. Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long, dark tunnel. "Have you eat en your banana yet?" Ole asked excitedly. "No," replied Lars. "Vell, don't touch it den," Ole exclaimed, "I yust took vun bite and vent blind!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it "Oh," said Ole, "I persuaded her to svitch to a clarinet." "How come?" asked Lars. "Vell," Ole answered, "because vith a clarinet she can't sing."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole and Lena went to the Olympics. While sitting on a bench a lady turned to Ole and asked, "Are you a pole vaulter?" Ole replied, "No, I'm Norvegian and my name ain't Valter."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And dot's enough!
This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
---------------------------
Ole and Lena were out walking and Lena clutched her heart and fell to the sidewalk. Ole got out his cell phone and called 9-1-1. The Operator said "Where are you?" Ole answered, "We were walking and Lena is on the sidewalk on Eucalyptus Street " The operator asked, "How do you spell that?" The phone seemed to go dead. The operator kept shouting for Ole. She could hear him panting. He finally came back on line and said, "I dragged her over to Oak Street , that's O-A-K."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Norwegian hunters from Minnesota got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. The two lads objected strongly, "Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board a nd he had the same plane as yours." Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down a few moments after takeoff Climbing out of the wreck one Norski asked the other, "Any idea where we are?" "Yaaah, I tink we's pretty close to where we crashed last year."
----------------------------------------------------------------
Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo ?" "Yust a minute," said the busy clerk. "Vell," said Lena , "if it has to go dat fast, I tink I'll yust take da bus."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena , who had charged nonsupport. He said to Ole, "I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for support." "Vell, dat's fine, Judge," smi led Ole. "And vunce in a while I'll try to chip in a few bucks, myself."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lars, the bartender, asked Ole, "Do ya know da difference between a Norwegian and a canoe?" "No, I don't," answered Ole. "A canoe will sometimes tip," explained Lars.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole is so cheap that after his airplane landed safely he grumbled, "Vell, Deere gose five dollars down da drain for dat flight insurance!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lars: "Ole, stant in front of my car and tell me if da turn signals are working." Ole: "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No.."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena 's knee. Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go a little farth er now if ya vant to." So Ole drove to Duluth
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole died So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole. Lena replied, "You yust put 'Ole died.'" The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, asked, "That's it? Just 'Ole died.'? Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about Ole. If it's money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more." So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, " OK. You put, Ole died. Boat for sale"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride. They had brought along bananas for lunch. Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long, dark tunnel. "Have you eat en your banana yet?" Ole asked excitedly. "No," replied Lars. "Vell, don't touch it den," Ole exclaimed, "I yust took vun bite and vent blind!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it "Oh," said Ole, "I persuaded her to svitch to a clarinet." "How come?" asked Lars. "Vell," Ole answered, "because vith a clarinet she can't sing."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole and Lena went to the Olympics. While sitting on a bench a lady turned to Ole and asked, "Are you a pole vaulter?" Ole replied, "No, I'm Norvegian and my name ain't Valter."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And dot's enough!
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Christmas E-Cards with Music
There are several cards here, all fun and good. Thanks to Diane for getting me to this site for Ashland University in Ohio.
http://ecard.ashland.edu/gallery.php
http://ecard.ashland.edu/gallery.php
Monday, December 10, 2007
Angels Explained by Children
Thanks to Mark for this post.
-----------------------------------------
I only know the names of two angels. Hark and Harold. Gregory, 5
Everybody's got it all wrong. Angels don't wear halos anymore. I forget why, but scientists are working on it. Olive, 9
It's not easy to become an angel! First, you die. Then you go to heaven, and then there's still the flight training to go through. And then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes. Matthew, 9
Angels work for God and watch over kids when God has to go do something else. Mitchell, 7
My guardian angel helps me with math, but he's not much good for science. Henry, 8
Angels don't eat, but they drink milk from Holy Cows!!! Jack, 6
Angels talk all the way while they're flying you up to heaven. The main subject is where you went wrong before you got dead. Daniel, 9
When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten. And when he lets out his breath, somewhere there's a tornado. Reagan, 10
Angels have a lot to do and they keep very busy. If you lose a tooth, an angel comes in through your window and leaves money under your pillow. Then when it gets cold, angels go north for the winter. Sara, 6
Angels live in cloud houses made by God and his son, who's a very good carpenter. Jared, 8
All angels are girls because they gotta wear dresses and boys didn't go for it. Antonio, 9
My angel is my grandma who died last year. She got a big head start ..ing me while she was still down here on earth. Katelynn, 9
Some of the angels are in charge of helping heal sick animals and pets. And if they don't make the animals get better, they help the child get over it. Vicki, 8
What I don't get about angels is why, when someone is in love, they shoot arrows at them. Sarah, 7
-----------------------------------------
I only know the names of two angels. Hark and Harold. Gregory, 5
Everybody's got it all wrong. Angels don't wear halos anymore. I forget why, but scientists are working on it. Olive, 9
It's not easy to become an angel! First, you die. Then you go to heaven, and then there's still the flight training to go through. And then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes. Matthew, 9
Angels work for God and watch over kids when God has to go do something else. Mitchell, 7
My guardian angel helps me with math, but he's not much good for science. Henry, 8
Angels don't eat, but they drink milk from Holy Cows!!! Jack, 6
Angels talk all the way while they're flying you up to heaven. The main subject is where you went wrong before you got dead. Daniel, 9
When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten. And when he lets out his breath, somewhere there's a tornado. Reagan, 10
Angels have a lot to do and they keep very busy. If you lose a tooth, an angel comes in through your window and leaves money under your pillow. Then when it gets cold, angels go north for the winter. Sara, 6
Angels live in cloud houses made by God and his son, who's a very good carpenter. Jared, 8
All angels are girls because they gotta wear dresses and boys didn't go for it. Antonio, 9
My angel is my grandma who died last year. She got a big head start ..ing me while she was still down here on earth. Katelynn, 9
Some of the angels are in charge of helping heal sick animals and pets. And if they don't make the animals get better, they help the child get over it. Vicki, 8
What I don't get about angels is why, when someone is in love, they shoot arrows at them. Sarah, 7
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Merry Christmas!
Thanks to Lenny and Snuffy for these links!
http://joecarr.ca/xmas/graphics/icqxmas.swf
http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=ER13610552
http://joecarr.ca/xmas/graphics/icqxmas.swf
http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=ER13610552
Friday, December 7, 2007
What a Woman Needs
Thanks to Mark for this posting which is viewed with Powerpoint or Powerpoint Viewer.
http://paulw.gray.googlepages.com/awomanonlyneeds.pps
http://paulw.gray.googlepages.com/awomanonlyneeds.pps
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Parenting
Thanks to Jeanette for this one.
---------------------
The Christmas Pageant
My husband and I had been happily
married (most of the time) for five years but hadn't been blessed with a baby.
I decided to do some serious
praying and promised God
that if he would give us a
child, I would be a perfect mother,
love it with all my heart
and raise it with His word
as my guide.
God answered my prayers
and blessed us with a son.
The next year God blessed us
with another son.
The following year,
He blessed us with
yet another son.
The year after that we
were blessed with a daughter.
My husband thought we'd
been blessed right into poverty.
We now had four children,
and the oldest was only
four years old.
I learned never to ask God
for anything unless I meant it.
As a minister once told me,
"If you pray for rain,
make sure you carry an umbrella."
I began reading a few verses
of the Bible to the children
each day as they lay in their cribs.
I was off to a good start.
God had entrusted me
with four children and
I didn't want to disappoint Him.
I tried to be patient the day
the children smashed
two dozen eggs on
the kitchen floor searching
for baby chicks.
I tried to be understanding...
when they started a hotel for
homeless frogs in the spare bedroom, although it took me nearly two hours
to catch all twenty-three frogs.
When my daughter poured
ketchup all over herself and
rolled up in a blanket to see
how it felt to be a hot dog,
I tried to see the humor
rather than the mess.
In spite of changing over
twenty-five thousand diapers,
never eating a hot meal
and never sleeping for more
than thirty minutes at a time,
I still thank God daily for my children.
While I couldn't keep my promise
to be a perfect mother -
I didn't even come close...
I did keep my promise
to raise them in the Word of God.
I knew I was missing the mark
just a little when I told
my daughter we were going
to church to worship God,
and she wanted to bring
a bar of soap along to
"wash up" Jesus, too.
Something was lost
in the translation when
I explained that
God gave us everlasting life,
and my son thought it was
generous of God to give
us his "last wife."
My proudest moment came
during the children's
Christmas pageant.
My daughter was playing Mary,
two of my sons were shepherds
and my youngest son was a wise man.
This was their moment to shine.
My five-year-old shepherd
had practiced his line,
"We found the babe wrapped
in swaddling clothes."
But he was nervous and said,
"The baby was wrapped
in wrinkled clothes."
My four-year-old "Mary" said,
"That's not 'wrinkled clothes,' silly.
That's dirty, rotten clothes."
A wrestling match broke out
between Mary and the shepherd
and was stopped by an angel,
who bent her halo and lost
her left wing.
I slouched a little lower
in my seat when Mary
dropped the doll representing
Baby Jesus, and it bounced
down the aisle crying,
"Mama-mama."
Mary grabbed the doll,
wrapped it back up
and held it tightly as
the wise men arrived.
My other son stepped forward
wearing a bathrobe
and a paper crown,
knelt at the manger
and announced,
"We are the three wise men,
and we are bringing gifts
of gold, common sense and fur."
The congregation
dissolved into laughter,
and the pageant
got a standing ovation.
"I've never enjoyed a Christmas
program as much as this one,"
laughed the pastor,
wiping tears from his eyes.
"For the rest of my life,
I'll never hear the
Christmas story without
thinking of gold, common sense
and fur."
"My children are my pride
and my joy and my greatest
blessing," I said as I dug
through my purse for an aspirin.
Jesus had no servants,
yet they called Him Master.
Had no degree,
yet they called Him Teacher.
Had no medicines,
yet they called Him Healer.
Had no army,
yet kings feared Him.
He won no military battles,
yet He conquered the world.
He committed no crime,
yet they crucified Him.
He was buried in a tomb,
yet He lives today.
Feel honored
to serve such a Leader
who loves us.
---------------------
The Christmas Pageant
My husband and I had been happily
married (most of the time) for five years but hadn't been blessed with a baby.
I decided to do some serious
praying and promised God
that if he would give us a
child, I would be a perfect mother,
love it with all my heart
and raise it with His word
as my guide.
God answered my prayers
and blessed us with a son.
The next year God blessed us
with another son.
The following year,
He blessed us with
yet another son.
The year after that we
were blessed with a daughter.
My husband thought we'd
been blessed right into poverty.
We now had four children,
and the oldest was only
four years old.
I learned never to ask God
for anything unless I meant it.
As a minister once told me,
"If you pray for rain,
make sure you carry an umbrella."
I began reading a few verses
of the Bible to the children
each day as they lay in their cribs.
I was off to a good start.
God had entrusted me
with four children and
I didn't want to disappoint Him.
I tried to be patient the day
the children smashed
two dozen eggs on
the kitchen floor searching
for baby chicks.
I tried to be understanding...
when they started a hotel for
homeless frogs in the spare bedroom, although it took me nearly two hours
to catch all twenty-three frogs.
When my daughter poured
ketchup all over herself and
rolled up in a blanket to see
how it felt to be a hot dog,
I tried to see the humor
rather than the mess.
In spite of changing over
twenty-five thousand diapers,
never eating a hot meal
and never sleeping for more
than thirty minutes at a time,
I still thank God daily for my children.
While I couldn't keep my promise
to be a perfect mother -
I didn't even come close...
I did keep my promise
to raise them in the Word of God.
I knew I was missing the mark
just a little when I told
my daughter we were going
to church to worship God,
and she wanted to bring
a bar of soap along to
"wash up" Jesus, too.
Something was lost
in the translation when
I explained that
God gave us everlasting life,
and my son thought it was
generous of God to give
us his "last wife."
My proudest moment came
during the children's
Christmas pageant.
My daughter was playing Mary,
two of my sons were shepherds
and my youngest son was a wise man.
This was their moment to shine.
My five-year-old shepherd
had practiced his line,
"We found the babe wrapped
in swaddling clothes."
But he was nervous and said,
"The baby was wrapped
in wrinkled clothes."
My four-year-old "Mary" said,
"That's not 'wrinkled clothes,' silly.
That's dirty, rotten clothes."
A wrestling match broke out
between Mary and the shepherd
and was stopped by an angel,
who bent her halo and lost
her left wing.
I slouched a little lower
in my seat when Mary
dropped the doll representing
Baby Jesus, and it bounced
down the aisle crying,
"Mama-mama."
Mary grabbed the doll,
wrapped it back up
and held it tightly as
the wise men arrived.
My other son stepped forward
wearing a bathrobe
and a paper crown,
knelt at the manger
and announced,
"We are the three wise men,
and we are bringing gifts
of gold, common sense and fur."
The congregation
dissolved into laughter,
and the pageant
got a standing ovation.
"I've never enjoyed a Christmas
program as much as this one,"
laughed the pastor,
wiping tears from his eyes.
"For the rest of my life,
I'll never hear the
Christmas story without
thinking of gold, common sense
and fur."
"My children are my pride
and my joy and my greatest
blessing," I said as I dug
through my purse for an aspirin.
Jesus had no servants,
yet they called Him Master.
Had no degree,
yet they called Him Teacher.
Had no medicines,
yet they called Him Healer.
Had no army,
yet kings feared Him.
He won no military battles,
yet He conquered the world.
He committed no crime,
yet they crucified Him.
He was buried in a tomb,
yet He lives today.
Feel honored
to serve such a Leader
who loves us.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
A New York love story
Good one, Roger.
A beautiful young blond, New York woman, was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean.
But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.
"You have so much to live for," said the man. "Look, I'm a sailor, and we're off to Europe tomorrow, and I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy." With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe , the woman accepted.
That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.
Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food daily and I get a free trip to Europe ! Plus he's screwing me every night."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
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A beautiful young blond, New York woman, was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean.
But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.
"You have so much to live for," said the man. "Look, I'm a sailor, and we're off to Europe tomorrow, and I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy." With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe , the woman accepted.
That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.
Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food daily and I get a free trip to Europe ! Plus he's screwing me every night."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
Arlington at Christmas
Arlington National Cemetery
Rest easy, sleep well my brothers.
Know the line has held, your job is done.
Rest easy, sleep well.
Others have taken up where you fell, the line has held.
Peace, peace, and farewell...
Readers may be interested to know that these wreaths -- some 5,000 -- are donated by the Worcester Wreath Co. of Harrington, Maine. The owner, Merrill Worcester, not only provides the wreaths, but covers the trucking expense as well. He's done this since 1992. A wonderful guy. Also, most years, groups of Maine school kids combine an educational trip to DC with this event to help out. Making this even more remarkable is the fact that Harrington is in one the poorest parts of the state.
Rest easy, sleep well my brothers.
Know the line has held, your job is done.
Rest easy, sleep well.
Others have taken up where you fell, the line has held.
Peace, peace, and farewell...
Readers may be interested to know that these wreaths -- some 5,000 -- are donated by the Worcester Wreath Co. of Harrington, Maine. The owner, Merrill Worcester, not only provides the wreaths, but covers the trucking expense as well. He's done this since 1992. A wonderful guy. Also, most years, groups of Maine school kids combine an educational trip to DC with this event to help out. Making this even more remarkable is the fact that Harrington is in one the poorest parts of the state.
Monday, December 3, 2007
What I Like About Texas
This is a good one: good pictures, good music, good sentiment.
Thanks, Lenny.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGukLuXzH1E
Thanks, Lenny.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGukLuXzH1E
Sunday, December 2, 2007
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