Pun-ny Jokes

Thanks to Jackie for these.
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1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent!

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer, please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doctor, I can't stop singing the 'Green, Green Grass of Home.'"

"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."

" Is it common?"

" Well, it's not unusual."

8. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at, either.

9. Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull before.

10. A man wakes up in a hospital after a serious accident. "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't. I've cut off your arms."

11. I went to a seafood disco last week........and pulled a mussel.

12. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

13. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

14. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain, and is named "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal!"

15. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him.........A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

16. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.

No pun in ten did.