Pilobolus

http://youtube.com/watch?v=3n8gxEwLx0w

Thanks, Larry.

Time for Some Campaignin'

Send a JibJab Sendables® eCard Today!

The most beautiful rainbow

The most beautiful rainbow.  As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one   did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll   eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. Don't be afraid   that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin. Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God>

 

 

---

When women lie...

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, 'My dear child, why are you crying?' The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family. The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires.

'Is   this your thimble?' the Lord asked.
The seamstress replied, 'No.'


The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden   thimble studded with rubies. s this your thimble?' the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress   replied, 'No.'


The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather this your thimble ?' the Lord asked. The seamstress   replied, 'Yes.'
The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the   seamstress went home happy.


Some   years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband    along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and
asked her, 'Why are you crying?'

'Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!'
Lord went down into the water and came up with
George   Clooney. 'Is this your husband?' the Lord asked.
'Yes,'cried the seamstress.
The Lord was furious. 'You lied! That   is an untruth!'

The seamstress replied, 'Oh, forgive me, my   Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said   'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad   Pitt. if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.

And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story is:
Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and   in the best interest of others.

That's our story, and we're sticking to it.


Signed,
All Us Women

Calvin & Hobbes - Week of Jul 28th

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/07/28/

Use 'Next page' from Monday's comic to read the whole week.

Daily Devotional by Max Lucado - July 26

>

Daily Devotional by Max Lucado

"the One who came still comes and the One who spoke still speaks"

 

July 26

The Embers of Love

 

God has given us the Holy Spirit, who fills our hearts with his love.

Romans 5:5 (CEV)

 

What if you're married to someone you don't love—or who doesn't love you? Many choose to leave. That may be the step you take. But if it is, take at least a thousand others first. And bathe every one of those steps in prayer. Love is a fruit of the Spirit. Ask God to help you love as he loves. "God has given us the Holy Spirit, who fills our hearts with his love." Ask everyone you know to pray for you. Your friends. Your family. Your church leaders. Get your name on every prayer list available. And, most of all, pray for and, if possible, with your spouse. Ask the same God who raised the dead to resurrect the embers of your love….

 

Isn't it good to know that even when we don't love with a perfect love, he does? God always nourishes what is right. He always applauds what is right. He has never done wrong, led one person to do wrong, or rejoiced when anyone did wrong. For he is love.

 

 

From: A Love Worth Giving

Copyright (W Publishing Group, 2002)
Max Lucado

Be Blessed

When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go, only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly! 'The power of one sentence! God is going to shift things around for you today and let things work in your favor.

 

God closes doors no man can open & God opens doors no man can close.

 

Have a blessed day and remember to be a blessing...

The Buzzard, The Bat & The Bumblebee

If you put a buzzard in a pen that is 6 feet by 8 feet and is entirely open at the top, the bird, in spite of its ability to fly, will be an absolute prisoner. The reason is that a buzzard always begins a flight from the ground with a run of 10 to 12 feet. Without space to run, as is its habit, it will not even attempt to fly, but will remain a prisoner for life in a small jail with no top.


THE BAT:

The ordinary bat that flies around at night, a remarkable nimble creature in the air, cannot take off from a level place. If it is placed on the floor or flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about helplessly and, no doubt, painfully, until it reaches some slight elevation from which it can throw itself into the air. Then, at once, it takes off like a flash.


THE BUMBLEBEE:

A bumblebee, if dropped into an open tumbler, will be there until it dies, unless it is taken out. It never sees the means of escape at the top, but persists in trying to find some way out through the sides near the bottom. It will seek a way where none exists, until it completely destroys itself.


PEOPLE:


In many ways, we are like the buzzard, the bat, and the bumblebee. We struggle about with all our problems and frustrations, never realizing that all we have to do is look up!


Sorrow looks back, Worry looks around, But faith looks up!


Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly and trust in our Creator who loves us.


Today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.

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Insult With Class

There was a time when words were used beautifully. These glorious
insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued,
before a great portion of the English language was boiled down to
four-letter words!

The exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor: She said, "If you were
my husband, I'd put poison in your tea," and he said, "If you were my
wife, I'd drink it.""

Gladstone, a member of Parliament, to Benjamin Disraeli: "Sir, you
will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That
depends, sir,"said Disraeli,"On whether I embrace your policies or
your mistress".

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -
Winston Churchill

"He is a modest little person, with much to be modest about." -
Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with
great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to
the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time
reading it." - Moses Hadas "He can compress most words into the
smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I
approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring
a friend....if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night but I will be able to attend the
second night...... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing
trivial." Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson

" He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure" - Jack
E.Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of
human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
- Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on
it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -
Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts...for support
rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
---------------------------
Thanks, Worth.

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God in Our Lives

From Max Lucado's daily devotions:

"Need I remind you about your westerly winds? With the speed of lightning and the force of a thunderclap, williwaws anger tranquil waters. Victims of sudden storms populate unemployment lines and ICU wards. You know the winds. You've felt the waves. Good-bye, smooth sailing. Hello, rough waters.

Such typhoons test our trust in the Captain. Does God know what he is doing? Can he get us out? Why did he allow the storm?

I know God knows what's best.
I know I don't.
I know he cares.

Such words come easily when the water is calm. But when you're looking at a wrecked car or a suspicious-looking mole, when war breaks out or thieves break in, do you trust him?

To embrace God's sovereignty is to drink from the well of his lordship and make a sailboat-in-the-storm decision. You look toward the Captain and resolve: he knows what's best."

On a personal note, a friend gave me this advice:
"Empty yourself of self, and fill up with the Holy Spirit."

The Wardlaw Brothers of Vidalia, Georgia!

Here is an outstanding gospel group that I heard and met at the New
Baptist Covenant meeting in Atlanta. I have their album, "The
ForeRunner," and it is fabulous!

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=124860002

Words to live by - Will Rogers

Thanks, Mark.
------------------------

Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post in 1935, was probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known.  Enjoy the following:

1.  Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2.  Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3.  There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.

4.  Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5.  Always drink upstream from the herd.

6.  If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7.  The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.

8.  There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading.  The few who learn by observation.  The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9.  Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10.  If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

11.  Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

12.  After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.  He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.  The moral:

Scout Jokes and Riddles

There's some good ones in here, especially the joke about the Boy
Scout and the Pope. Enjoy!

http://www.geocities.com/scoutjokes/

Mexican Virus

BUENOS DIAS!! JOU HAVE YUST RECEIB A MEHICAN BIRUS!!!!!
SEENCE WE NOT SO TECHNOLOGICALLY ADBANCED IN MEHICO, DIS IS A MANUAL
BIRUS. PLEASE DELETE ALL THE FILES ON JOUR HARD DRIVE JOURSELF AND SEND THIS
E-MAIL TO EBERYONE JOU KNOW.

TAN JOU POR YELPING ME.

JULIO MANUEL JOSE RODRIGUEZ GARCIA DE LA CRUZ INFANTE SALGADO
FERNANDEZ,

-- MEHICAN HACKER

Dave Chappelle's Videos

Main Video Page
http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/chappelles_show/videos/index.jhtml

The "N-word" Family
http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/index.jhtml?videoId=11906&title=the-niggar-family

Black Bush - Rated "R"
http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/index.jhtml?videoId=11923&title=black-bush

Howard Dean
http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/index.jhtml?videoId=71562&title=howard-dean

Video with Texas version of 'I've Been Everywhere'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=scjb_f95diA

Thanks, Mike.

Calvin & Hobbes - Week of Jul 21st

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/07/21/

Use 'Next page' from Monday's comic to read the whole week.

God vs Science

This is a fictional debate between a student and an athiest professor, but has truth in it. Thanks to Jeanie for this post, but and modified and originally claimed the student was Albert Einstein. The Snopes link below says "no."

'Let me explain the problem science has with religion.' The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

'You're a Christian, aren't you, son?'

'Yes sir,' the student says.

'So you believe in God?'

'Absolutely.'

'Is God good?'

'Sure! God's good.'

'Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?'

'Yes'

'Are you good or evil?'

'The Bible says I'm evil.'

The professor grins knowingly. 'Aha! The Bible!' He considers for a moment. 'Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?'

'Yes sir, I would.'

'So you're good...!'

'I wouldn't say that.'

'But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't.' The student does not answer, so the professor continues. 'He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?'

The student remains silent.

'No, you can't, can you?' the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.

'Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?'

'Er..yes,' the student says.

'Is Satan good?'

The student doesn't hesitate on this one. 'No.'

'Then where does Satan come from?'

The student falters. 'From God'

'That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?'

'Yes, sir.'

'Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?'

'Yes'

'So who created evil?' The professor continued, 'If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil.'

Again, the student has no answer. 'Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?'

The student squirms on his feet. 'Yes.'

'So who created them?'

The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. 'Who created them?' There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized. 'Tell me,' he continues onto another student. 'Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?'

The student's voice betrays him and cracks. 'Yes, professor, I do.'

The old man stops pacing. 'Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?'

'No sir. I've never seen Him.'

'Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?'

'No, sir, I have not.'

'Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?'

'No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't.'

'Yet you still believe in him?'

'Yes'

'According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?'

'Nothing,' the student replies. 'I only have my faith.'

'Yes, faith,' the professor repeats. 'And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith.'

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of His own. 'Professor, is there such thing as heat?'

'Yes.'

'And is there such a thing as cold?'

'Yes, son, there's cold too.'

'No sir, there isn't.'

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain. 'You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such th ing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest, -458 degrees.'

'Everybody or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy,and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero(-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.'

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.

'What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?'

'Yes,' the professor replies without hesitation. 'What is night if it isn't darkness?'

'You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness,isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word.'

'In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?'

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. 'So what point are you making, young man?'

'Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed.'

The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time.
'Flawed? Can you explain how?'

'You are working on the premise of duality,' the student explains. 'You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought.'

'It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it.'

'Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?'

'If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do.'

'Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?'

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.

'Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?'

The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided.

'To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean.'

The student looks around the room. 'Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?' The class breaks out into laughter.

'Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelt the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable,demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir.'

'So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?'

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable.

Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. 'I guess you'll have to take them on faith.'

'Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life,' the student continues. 'Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?'

Now uncertain, the professor responds, 'Of course, there is. We see it every day. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.'

To this the student replied, 'Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.'

The professor sat down.

http://www.snopes.com/religion/einstein.asp

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Time gets better with age

Mozilla and other non-Microsoft browsers:
http://home.att.net/~mcp3_2000/_classics/021/age2.htm

Microsoft Internet Explorer:
http://home.att.net/~mcp3_2000/_classics/021/age.htm

Thanks, Billy!

A favor to ask....

 A favor to ask, it only takes a minute....

Please tell ten friends to tell ten today! The Breast Cancer site is having trouble getting enough people to click on their site daily to meet their quota of donating at least one free mammogram a day to an underprivileged woman. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on 'donating a mammogram' for free (pink window in the middle).

This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising.

Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.

http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/

AGAIN, PLEASE TELL 10 FRIENDS TO TELL 10

What Happened to those Flamingos?

Our neighborhood, Lakewood Village, has recently had a tiff over a fund-raiser where a flock of small plastic flamingos are placed in yards and you pay to have them moved. A homeowner got the flamingos one night, and the next morning they were scattered all over the neighborhood. No one is owning up to moving the flamingos, and a humorous treatise was posted anonymously on the town bulletin board making light of the situation. The following is another humorous look at the situation.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Tha Flamungoess - The Mistery Continues

As the mistery of the Flamungoess disserpurance and despusion rages in the Village, this inturpid repurter went out to discover for itself what the people was thinkin' about this incident. These is the theories advanced by the purple it talked to, and agreed to be quoted anunemously:

Here's the susspex on who dun moved the 'Mingos!

Hillary Clinton - she don't have anything else to do since she dropped out of the Presidential race? And, the Clintons are responsible for all the bad things in Amerika, ain't they?

The School System - they don't teach morals and the Bible, so they dun it by default.

The CIA - I mean, they are a clandustine group, and they needed summmuthin' undercover that they kin handle.

The KKK - Them 'Mingos is pink, and they dun tollerate nuttin' but white!

The Homosexuals - They dun like pink, and had a hankerin' to decorate the place up!

The Beverly Hillbullys - They just wanted to spread the booty around!

The Town Counseal - They WANT mur kuntreversy! And who would trust anythin' with a seal in it!

The School Kids - They don't have nuttin' to do. School's out!

The Women - They don't have nuttin' to do! School's out!

The Men - They drunk out a beer after a whul, and thunk it up!

The Dirt Bikers - They is divirtin' tha attenshun of tha masses so they kin do more bikin' whilst weuns figure this out!

The Coyotes - They was just foolin' around and came up with this idee to confuse people.

Ron Paul - He needed the publicity. He's a Liburatariat, you know. Them people don't think too straight!

China - They is Red Commies, ya know. And them 'Mingos is purty close ta red. And who bennyfits most from tha confusion?

GW Bush - He ain't dun nuttin' right since he dun took office. He's a dunnce who don't know how to spell kat!

The Village Folks - A right-wing splinter group of the Village People, they is aimin' to surge to power by confusin' people. Plus they wanted to get in on the fun of movin' the 'Mingos.

Lee Harvey Oswald - He dun it, and everybody knows it. Except them conspiracy folks who dun have no brains.

Lady Bird Johnson - She wanted ta decorate the Village up some, and them 'Mingos luk a little like floowers.

Eric Howard - He needs the publicity to sell real estate in a down market. 'Nuff said.

The Intenet - It can do anythin'!!!

The iPhone - It can do anythin'!!! And do it butter thin Bull Gitts.

Columbo - He dun needed another mystery to solve, one that was easy!

El-Quaedea - They's going to take over America, and started in the Village. 'Nother one of them violent acts!

Global Warming - It goes with sayin' that Global Warming is RESUNSIBL FOR EVURTHIN'!!!

Al Gore - He don't need no dumb reason, he's just dumb. And it proves his GLOBAL WARMIN' THEORY! Them dumb Nobel Prize people just ain't got a lick of sense!

The 'Mingos them own selves - They don't got nuttin' better to do, but maybe look purty. And they ain't talkin', so who's gonna know???

Well, that's all this repurter could turn up when he turned slooth. Until next time, this is the VILLAGE IDOT, singin' off!

PS Ya kin pooblish this un if ya kin! Just dun take IDOT name in vane!

Gotta Love the South

Alabama
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his
pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping
garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head".
Yep", he replied. "That's why I'ma dumpin it here, cause it says
'Fine For Dumping Garbage'.

Louisiana

A senior at LSU was overheard saying... 'When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana .' When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.

Mississippi

The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, 'Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!'

Bubba replied, 'Did you see who it was?'

The young man answered,
'I couldn't tell, but I got his license number.'

Georgia

A Georgia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-75. The trooper asked, 'Got any I.D. ?'

The driver replied, 'Bout whut?'


TENNESSEE
A man in Tennessee had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it.

Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, 'I got a flat tare.'

The passerby asked, 'But what's with the flowers?'

The man responded, 'When you break down they tell ya to put flares in the front and flares in the back. Hey, it don't make no sense to me neither.'

ARKANSAS
'You can say what you want about the South,
but I ain't never heard of anyone wanting to retire to the North.

Thanks to Worth for this joke.

History Lesson

This link exposes inaccuracies in a widely circulated email about life and common phrases originating in the 1500's. In the process, you will learn about the REAL origin of these items! Enjoy.

http://www.snopes.com/language/phrases/1500.asp

Classic SNL Comedy Sketch Videos

More Cowbell?
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/f08176418c

Chris Farley as Matt Foley, the motivational speaker!
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/1832cb8ce0
http://www.funnyordie.com/search/jeopardy
Celebrity Jeopardy
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/280f82dc6a
More Celebrity Jeopardy Links
http://www.funnyordie.com/search/jeopardy

Where have all the good men gone?

Associated Baptist Press
July 15, 2008 · (08-71)
Church observers ask:
Where have all the good men gone?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
By Lee Ann Marcel   

DALLAS (ABP) - It's not just your imagination. Men are disappearing from the church.

According to the Barna Research Group, there are 11 million to 13 million more American women who are born again than there are born-again men. While nine out of 10 senior pastors are men, a majority of regular church attendees are women.

Not only are women the majority of born-again American Christians, the Barna Group says, "women are the backbone of the Christian congregations in America."

Perhaps indicative of women's sense of spirituality, 41 percent of women said they have set specific spiritual goals that they hope to accomplish in the coming year or two. Only 29 percent of men have identified such spiritual goals.

"Women, more often than not, take the lead role in the spiritual life of the family," said George Barna, president of the research group. "Women typically emerge as the primary -- or only -- spiritual mentor and role model for family members. And that puts a tremendous burden on wives and mothers."

Pam Durso, associate executive director of the Baptist History and Heritage Society, agrees that women do play a major role in families as spiritual mentors. "One aspect of that is that mothers generally are the ones who do the scheduling of events and the planning of activities, including church attendance and church-related programs."

But that's nothing new, Durso argues. Historically women have dominated the membership of Baptist churches.

"Here is something to think about: Is 61 percent for female participation really a change for Baptists? Over the years, many Baptist churches have had a majority of female members," Durso said.

At First Baptist Church of America, in Providence, R.I. --  the premier Baptist congregation in the New World -- 59 percent of the members from 1730-1777 were women, Durso noted. From 1779-1799, that percentage dropped by only 1 percent to 58 percent.

"So perhaps the question is not where have all the men gone, but is instead where have men been all these years?" Durso said.

David Murrow, author of Why Men Hate Going to Church, believes the way churches market themselves affects the demographics of their memberships. According to Murrow's Church for Men website, a typical congregation draws an adult crowd that's 61 percent female and 39 percent male.

"It's widely believed, and rarely spoken of, that men feel church is something for women, children and grandparents," Murrow said. "If a man becomes involved [with a church], then he is less manly."

Murrow says this trend began during the Industrial Revolution in the 1840s. Harsh economic conditions drove men to seek jobs in mines, mills and factories. While men worked, families were left behind for longer periods of time. The only people to be found in congregations were women, children and older men. Women began to add socials like teas, quilting circles and potluck dinners.

"The able-bodied man all but disappeared from the church," Murrow said.

Murrow mentions on his web site, www.churchformen.com, that many who have grown up in the church don't recognize the "feminine spirituality." But to the masculine mind, it's obvious as the steps in front of the door.

"He may feel like Tom Sawyer in Aunt Polly's parlor. He must watch his language, mind his manners and be extra polite. It's hard for a man to be real in church because he must squeeze himself into this feminine religious mold," Murrow writes on the site.

The tendency of targeting women has grown with the increased popularity of contemporary worship, Murrow added.

Hymns used to be tuned into the masculine heart by alluding to God as a mighty fortress, Murrow noted. Songs such as "Onward Christian Soldiers" spurred men in their faith.

"But now worship sounds like a Top-40 love song," Murrow said. "They are wonderful and biblical, but it's not the sentiment that will rally a bunch of men."

Romantic music is a response to the market of single women, Murrow added.  "They provide a Jesus image who wants to steal away with them ... which doesn't appeal to men."

"Are we going to allow the market to drive the church, or the Bible to drive the church?"

Murrow suggests that there's nothing wrong with the gospel, just the way Christians present it. "We just need to change the culture container that we are delivering it in and should be willing to follow the example of churches who succeed in reaching men," he said.

A leading example is Christ Church of the Valley in Phoenix, Ariz. The church markets to men through the events promoted, down to the colors and design of the building. The church even changes the range of the worship songs so men can feel comfortable singing. 

"Everything we do when it comes to marketing is geared toward men in the 25-45 range ... an underserved demographic in the church market today," said Michael Gray, communications coordinator of Christ Church of the Valley.

The church offers activities like a motorcycle and sport groups. One of the groups is called The Edge. There men can rappel down cliffs, jump out of airplanes and bungee jump off bridges. The purpose is to cause men to take a step of faith and stretch their comfort zones. The ministry is a spiritually challenging group, not just physically challenging. While the group focuses on adventurous activities, their ultimate goal is to lead people into an adventure with Jesus Christ.

"The Edge helps get men plugged into the church and hanging out with other men, outside a church setting," Gray said. "It shows that we are men's men, and we don't just sit in shirt and tie on Sundays with our leather-bound Bible"

There is more than one way to present the gospel in a way that contemporary men will respond to, Murrow said. But it begins with the congregation understanding it must make an intentional effort to reach out to men.

"People have to realize it's a problem. They need to wake up and look [at] how magnetic Jesus was to men. We have a 70-to-80 percent failure to boys. I don't think that's [God's] will."

The Popular Mule

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.

At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head "Yes" and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head, "No" and mumble a reply. Curious, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.

The farmer replied, ''The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.' The men would ask, 'You wanna sell that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked up for a year.'"

Calvin & Hobbes - Week of Jul 14th

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/07/14/

Use 'Next page' from Monday's comic to read the whole week.

The Great Escape Tunnel, World War II

The Tunnel that made The Great Escape possible

When graphics appear, move cursor over the number (no need
to click) to display an explanation of activity.

Make sure you take the tour. It's really something to see.

This may be one of the most amazing e-mails I've seen. The last number to 'roll over' is 16. Be sure to look and read the numbers and click 'next' to move along.

In 1943 work had begun on 'Harry', the tunnel that
allowed over 70 men to escape from the German POW camp,
'Stalag III', during World War II.
This was the same tunnel made famous by the movie 'The
Great Escape'. The URL below takes you to a site
where one of the men, after the War, drew a diagram with
explanations of each of the sections.

It's amazing how accurate the movie was, even though it
couldn't possibly include all the information involved
in this great engineering feat. Hope you find this as
interesting as I did.


http://www.kerman94.com/tunnelharry.html

Thanks, Mark.

How Fast Are Your Reactions?

The automobile driving manual says the average driver's
reaction time is: .75 seconds....... or 1 car length for every 10 mph......

Test your average reaction time..
Be very careful this can be addicting.

Click on the link below and good luck!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sleep/sheep/reaction_version5.swf

Thanks, Larry!

One of Those Days

A guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing stare as if to say, 'What'cha gonna do about it?'

The poor little guy starts crying.

'Come on man I was just giving you a hard time,' the biker says. 'I didn't think you'd CRY.' 'I can't stand to see ! a man crying.'

'This is the worst day of my life,' says the little guy between sobs. 'I can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me. So, I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison.'

Thanks to Roy for this joke.

Calvin & Hobbes - Week of Jul 7th

This is the link for Monday's comic. You can go to "Next day' from there.

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/07/07/

The best episode ending from The Wonder Years

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8m2YLEX6Qo&feature=related

Calvin & Hobbes - Week of Jun 30th

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/06/30/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/07/01/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/07/02/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/07/03/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/07/04/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/07/05/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/07/06/

Calvin & Hobbes - Week of Jun 23rd

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/06/23/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/06/24/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/06/25/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/06/26/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/06/27/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/06/28/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/06/29/

Calvin & Hobbes - Week of Jun 16th

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/06/16/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/06/17/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/06/18/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/06/19/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/06/20/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/06/21/

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2008/06/22/