Our neighborhood, Lakewood Village, has recently had a tiff over a fund-raiser where a flock of small plastic flamingos are placed in yards and you pay to have them moved. A homeowner got the flamingos one night, and the next morning they were scattered all over the neighborhood. No one is owning up to moving the flamingos, and a humorous treatise was posted anonymously on the town bulletin board making light of the situation. The following is another humorous look at the situation.
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Tha Flamungoess - The Mistery Continues
As the mistery of the Flamungoess disserpurance and despusion rages in the Village, this inturpid repurter went out to discover for itself what the people was thinkin' about this incident. These is the theories advanced by the purple it talked to, and agreed to be quoted anunemously:
Here's the susspex on who dun moved the 'Mingos!
Hillary Clinton - she don't have anything else to do since she dropped out of the Presidential race? And, the Clintons are responsible for all the bad things in Amerika, ain't they?
The School System - they don't teach morals and the Bible, so they dun it by default.
The CIA - I mean, they are a clandustine group, and they needed summmuthin' undercover that they kin handle.
The KKK - Them 'Mingos is pink, and they dun tollerate nuttin' but white!
The Homosexuals - They dun like pink, and had a hankerin' to decorate the place up!
The Beverly Hillbullys - They just wanted to spread the booty around!
The Town Counseal - They WANT mur kuntreversy! And who would trust anythin' with a seal in it!
The School Kids - They don't have nuttin' to do. School's out!
The Women - They don't have nuttin' to do! School's out!
The Men - They drunk out a beer after a whul, and thunk it up!
The Dirt Bikers - They is divirtin' tha attenshun of tha masses so they kin do more bikin' whilst weuns figure this out!
The Coyotes - They was just foolin' around and came up with this idee to confuse people.
Ron Paul - He needed the publicity. He's a Liburatariat, you know. Them people don't think too straight!
China - They is Red Commies, ya know. And them 'Mingos is purty close ta red. And who bennyfits most from tha confusion?
GW Bush - He ain't dun nuttin' right since he dun took office. He's a dunnce who don't know how to spell kat!
The Village Folks - A right-wing splinter group of the Village People, they is aimin' to surge to power by confusin' people. Plus they wanted to get in on the fun of movin' the 'Mingos.
Lee Harvey Oswald - He dun it, and everybody knows it. Except them conspiracy folks who dun have no brains.
Lady Bird Johnson - She wanted ta decorate the Village up some, and them 'Mingos luk a little like floowers.
Eric Howard - He needs the publicity to sell real estate in a down market. 'Nuff said.
The Intenet - It can do anythin'!!!
The iPhone - It can do anythin'!!! And do it butter thin Bull Gitts.
Columbo - He dun needed another mystery to solve, one that was easy!
El-Quaedea - They's going to take over America, and started in the Village. 'Nother one of them violent acts!
Global Warming - It goes with sayin' that Global Warming is RESUNSIBL FOR EVURTHIN'!!!
Al Gore - He don't need no dumb reason, he's just dumb. And it proves his GLOBAL WARMIN' THEORY! Them dumb Nobel Prize people just ain't got a lick of sense!
The 'Mingos them own selves - They don't got nuttin' better to do, but maybe look purty. And they ain't talkin', so who's gonna know???
Well, that's all this repurter could turn up when he turned slooth. Until next time, this is the VILLAGE IDOT, singin' off!
PS Ya kin pooblish this un if ya kin! Just dun take IDOT name in vane!
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